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CSI (Crap Science Investigation): Miami

Intro of CSI: Miami
Lights Up, they have an orange tinge.  Random dood on stage, giving a speech to the audience.


Dood: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to tonight's Sydney University Science forum, where we will be teaching the controversy.  Yes, the controversy of global warming.  For years scientists have been trying to tell us that we are in for trouble, that the polar ice caps will melt, the seas will rise and that we will drown, in a way that may look comical when applied to polar bears, but will be tragic for the human race.  But did you  know, that these scientists don't actually know everything?!  Why they're merely guessing!  And this my friends is why climate change is a load of phooey.  If we look at this graph here you can see... (Graph of number of disproved theories vs. number of scientists, goes up exponentially) that scientists are increasingly being wrong.

Horatio and Female Assistant walk onto the stage, Horatio has his sunglasses in his hand.
Female Assistant: Looks like we've got a climate change denialist.
Horatio:  It looks like the climate in this room (Puts on sunglasses, puts hands on hips), is about to change. (Sound effect. Takes off sunglasses)
Dood:  Excuse me, but who are you?  I'm trying to give a talk here!
Horatio: Trying, and failing. (Puts on sunnies, sound effect, takes off sunnies)
Female Assistant:  What he means to say is that we had a report of science.
Horatio: Science, of the crap variety. (Puts on sunnies, sound effect, takes off sunnies)
Female: We heard that you have been trying to say that there is no evidence of climate change, but you have done no research yourself.
Dood: We, at Global Oil International, have done plenty of impartial research to back this claim up.
Horatio:  When you say "impartial research", I think you mean research, in parts. (Puts on sunnies, wash, rinse, repeat)
Dood: What?
Female:  He means your research sucks.  Hell, your axes are the wrong way around, where are your error bars?  Where are your R^2 values?
Horatio: Where (pause) are your ethical values?
Dood: Look, I don't know who you think you are-
Horatio: It's more impor- (tant that we know who you are)
Dood: -you can't just barge in like this.
Horatio: And yet we did. 
Dood: (Noise of frustration)
Female: Just admit that this is a load of biased crap science, and we can all go home, we can pretend that it never happened.
Horatio: We'll pretend that you'd never been born, (pose) rather than making you wish that you hadn't.


To be continued...
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