Scene: Man walks on stage from back, wearing orange jump suit a la American prison system uniform, carrying a guitar and chair. He puts the chair down, sits with the guitar and addresses the audience - obviously not much of a talker, hard for him to talk about it.

Man: So, yeah. Hi. I'd like to sing this little song for you - it's about a girl who I used to love - but she got me locked up in here. Tiffany.

Starts to play guitar - tune is "I was only 19" by Redgum

Man: Mum and Dad were busy, she was swinging on the swings and playing Barbies - she was a vision in size 2s.

She waved and smiled as she tossed her plaits, it was me she wanted more. We professed our love, I knew it was meant to be.

But the Sydney city crowds were baying for the guillotine,

A thousand morning papers called me vicious and obscene,

And there’s me at the courthouse pleading innocent and clean,

God help me

She was only nine-

Stops suddenly after the "nine", not playing the resolving chord. Holds pose for several seconds, staring into distance, then picks up guitar and walks off stage.

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OK, so, contentious topic. I know, not necessarily a topic that should be used, but this song is quite funny when heard - in the original the "-teen" of "nineteen" is the resolving note in the phrase, so finishing on "nine-" has this really unfinished feel that leaves you hanging for a second or two, then you register what's been said and groan. My only concern is that the first two lines are too obviously about paedophilia and will give the punchline away, maybe should be more ambiguous and possibly about someone older? Please discuss on "Discussions" page here. And god - I'm sorry.