Friend1: What do you mean, ‘too many’?

Jeff: Exactly that, there are too many of you.

Friend2: I can’t see how that can be a problem for anyone.

Jeff: Oh it’s a problem alright. I’m double booking myself, I’m losing track of who’s who. I’ve got no time to myself!

Jackie: Jeff, have you flipped?

Jeff: No, I’ve just come to the realisation that some of you have got to go.

Pause

Jackie: Jeff, you can’t just weed out your friends.

Jeff: Can’t I, Jackie? Can’t I? It so happens you’re the first on my list to go.

Jackie: What! Fuck you Jeff I don’t want to be friends with you if this is who you are.

Jeff: Good, that’s how I want it.

Exit Jackie

Bill: Jeff, you’re a bastard I can’t believe you just did that to Jackie. I’m with her I’m leaving.

Jeff: Actually no, Bill. I’m planning to keep you on.

Bill: No, you’re not, I’m off.

Exit Bill

Jeff: Ok, fine. Alice, I was going to get rid of you but Bill’s gone now so you can stay.

Alice: I can’t believe you Jeff. I would never have become friends with you in the first place if I knew you were such an ass hole.

Jeff: Ok look, I’ll leave it up to you guys. Everyone who wants to leave just leave now, everyone else stay.

Pause. Exit all but one.

Jeff: Awesome, Dave, you and I, friends for life.

Dave can’t hear because he is listening to his ipod

Jeff: Dave?

Dave pulls out earphones

Dave: Huh?

Jeff: Um, nothing. Let’s go get a beer.

Dave: Where’d everyone else go?

Jeff: Ahh, nowhere. They all had something on, let’s go.

Dave: Yeah ok.

Dave’s phone rings.

Dave: Hang on, Jeff. Hello? What do you mean where am I? Where are you?

Jeff: Come on, let’s just go hey.

Dave: No I didn’t hear anything I was listening to music…Jeff did what? Yeah I’m coming now.

 Dave stares at Jeff who stands looking guilty

Jeff: What?

Dave: You’re an idiot, Jeff. Goodbye.

Jeff stares around for a bit, puts his hands in his pockets then whistles as he walks off stage, friendless.

THE END

Written by Matt