NEW fourth skit

HARRY is standing in the middle of the stage. There are red lights and rumblings, so we’re obviously in the middle of the volcano. They stop abruptly.


HARRY: (Breathing in the fumes) That is good shit! This place has more noxious fumes than the graffiti tunnel!




CURIOUS: Heil, Harry! The guards caught these two snooping around.


HARRY: Oh! Well done, Sargent Expendable, and Lieutenant…err…


FORGETTABLE: Forgettable, sir.


HARRY: That’s the one! Bet you gave your parents hell for that. Tie them up.


The Guards tie up Indiana and Petit Miam to chairs


HARRY: So, we’ve been expecting you… Doctor Jones!


INDIANA: What? How did you know my name?


HARRY: It’s on your name tag.


INDIANA: Oh. Is this how you normally treat your guests, Harry?


HARRY: Of course not! You’ve still got your clothes on! How did you find me?


INDIANA: I’ve been studying the relics of Pompeii for years. I know all about dust. You really shouldn’t have chosen such a famous volcano.


HARRY: I’ll remember that next time I take over the world. Now, I’m a bit new to this whole… evil villain thing. Do I tell you all my plans yet?


INDIANA: No, we heard them already. Take over the world, eh?


HARRY: Yeah, making history. Only four people have ever done that. Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Rupert Murdoch, and Katy Perry.


INDIANA: And you want to be like them?

HARRY: Absolutely! I kissed a girl, and I liked it!


INDIANA: One thing I don’t understand, though. The Arc is way too big to replace the missing bit of Stonehenge.


HARRY: Honestly, Doctor Jones. What you think we’re hanging out in a volcano for fun?


INDIANA: … well, yeah.


CURIOUS: Of course not! We’re shrinking it in the lava.


PETIT MIAM: How does that work?


CURIOUS: Like a soft drink bottle in boiling water!


PETIT MIAM: That doesn't even make sense!


HARRY/CURIOUS/INDIANA: What? Don’t you know science?!


PETIT MIAM: sorry!


CURIOUS: We should probably be off, sir.


HARRY: Good idea.


CURIOUS: It’s been a pleasure Doctor Jones. I hope you enjoy your… demise.


At his words, the volcano goes red and rumbles.


INDIANA: The volcano’s about to erupt! On cue! How did you do that?


CURIOUS: That was just a coincidence!


HARRY: Yeah! Shit, let’s go!


PETIT MIAM: But we’ll be killed!


HARRY: That’s the whole point! Why can’t anyone figure that out? Some people, eh? See ya!


HARRY, CURIOUS, GUARDS leave. More rumbling. Indiana and Petit Miam struggle.


PETIT MIAM: The volcano’s about to erupt!


INDIANA: No, really?


PETIT MIAM: Well, what do we do?


INDIANA: Wait! I have an idea!


Boom! The volcano explodes.