NEW fifth skit- click here!

Hi all! A group of us all got together to write this; having heaps of fun with the characters (especially Harry and Indy), bringing back Linus and Chord and getting the whole cast involved as extras. We weren't really sure what was supposed to happen in the last skit; be good if we could get some input from you guys. This sketch has to be good cause it's right at the end. Cheers!
A Fridge centre stage. HARRY, CURIOUS, EXPENDABLE and FORGETTABLE enter. EXPENDABLE and FORGETTABLE are carrying the arc.


HARRY: Alright! We are ready for world domination! Curious! Is everything ready for my coronation!


CURIOUS: yes, Harry. We’ve got the slappers, the dancers are booked, and we’re on the phone to the Beatles now. To be honest, i'm not hopeful; you know that two of them are dead, right?


HARRY: But i'm the King! They'll listen to me! What about the drugs? I told you to get me enough marijuana to kill a donkey!


CURIOUS: A donkey.


HARRY: Yeah! I fucking hate donkeys!


FORGETTABLE: We’re ready, your Highness!


HARRY: Good. Then let’s begin!


INDIANA and PETIT MIAM burst out of the fridge.


INDIANA: Not so fast, Harry!


HARRY: (Doesn’t look around) Not so fast? You know the last woman who said that…


CURIOUS: Harry! It’s Jones!


HARRY: What? Oh! How the hell did you escape that volcano!


INDIANA: Fridge. It’s lead-lined! That stops anything!




PETIT MIAM: What, don’t you know science? (Looks superior)


HARRY: Well, nice try, Jones, but you’re too late! The weapon is calibrated and ready! Keep your distance or we’ll set it off!


INDIANA: So, Harry, are you finally going to tell me what this weapon does?


HARRY: I thought you might have guessed. Take a look at Stonehenge, Jones. Does it remind you of anything? Anything else large and circular? Does it remind you of a … Large Hadron Collidor… at all?


INDIANA: … no. (Doesn’t get it)


HARRY: Well, it is… in fact… a Large Hadron Collidor!


INDIANA: Oh, my god!


HARRY: Yes! And at any time I could generate a Black Hole that could destroy the world, unless power is handed over to me!


INDIANA: You won’t get away with this Harry!


Indiana shoots at Harry, Forgettable throws himself in front of Harry, stopping the bullet and dying.


HARRY: Ha! Missed!


CURIOUS: Harry! He just saved your life!


HARRY: Huh? (Notices FORGETTABLE) Oh, my god! Sargent Expendable!


EXPENDABLE: um… I’m sergeant expendable. That was Lieutenant Forgettable.




INDIANA: This has gone on long enough! Harry! I challenge you to a duel!


HARRY: A what?


PETIT MIAM: A duel! Where you settle this like gentlemen… and kill each other! Choose your weapons!


INDIANA: I choose my trusty whip!


HARRY: And I choose… General Lee Curious!


CURIOUS: What?! You bastard!


HARRY: Oh, come on, dude, that’s what right hand men are for! So I can use you, keep you with half-promises, and then dump you in the shit the first chance I get! You should have known when you signed on!


CURIOUS: Yeah? Well, one of these days I’ll write a revenge diary, and then you’ll be sorry!


INDIANA: So… are we still fighting?


CURIOUS: Ha! Don’t get your hopes up, Indy!


Quick fight, where CURIOUS dies. Stunned silence for a moment.


HARRY: Oh, you suck!


INDIANA: Now will you surrender!


HARRY: Ah, no! I’ve got a Large Hadron Collidor here!


INDIANA blows a whistle! The whole cast enter as soldiers, with CHORD and LINUS at the head.


INDIANA: How about now!


HARRY: … this is a minor setback. Expendable! Do something!


EXPENDABLE: I surrender! I surrender!


HARRY: Oh, fuck you, then!


LINUS: The games over, Harry. You might as well come quietly!


CHORD: And if you don’t come quietly, we’ll send you to Iraq!


HARRY: What happens if I do come quietly?


CHORD: We’ll still send you to Iraq!


HARRY: Well, it looks like there’s only one thing for me to do… (stands triumphantly in the middle of the stage for a moment) … run away! (runs off)


LINUS: The world is saved! (All shout Hooray)


INDIANA: Well, that’s that then!


PETIT MIAM: Congratulations, Indy. (Seductively) You were wonderful.


They go to kiss, but LINUS and CHORD come over.


LINUS: Thank you, Doctor Jones! You’ve done it again!


CHORD: Let’s just hope we get better ratings, huh?


LINUS: Yes, Chord. All we need to do is recalibrate the machine and the Arc de Triomphe can go back where it belongs.


CHORD: It’ll be easier to climb now that it’s only two feet high.


INDIANA: (Annoyed) Good. So, can I get my subscription to archaeology Today back?


LINUS: Ah… not quite yet…


CHORD: We still feel like exploiting you.


LINUS: God damn you, Chord!


INDIANA: What’s this?


LINUS: Well, it’s just that… given that you’re good at finding things, we wondered if you would help us look for the New South Wales parliament? It’s just that, we’ve been unable to find a good one, and- hey! Hey!


INDIANA pushes LINUS and CHORD into the fridge and shuts the door. Indiana goes back to PETIT MIAM.


INDIANA: Now, where were we? Oh, that’s right!


BOTH: Dust!


Blackout, as everyone comes back on for calibration.