Lost Arc Series: Campus Version

I've always preferred the idea of having the scenes for the search for the lost arc on campus.
 
Random stuff and ideas by John.
 
Some details/ideas:
Possibly includes jokes about the zombies/builders not actually gawking at the girls on campus, but... well they're zombies.
 
Original thought was Gav Brown for uni Official but might not be so good for a number of reasons.  (it's a 2% if nothing else)
 
The 'lost Arc' exhibition is in the Nicholson museum. (the one off the quad)
 
We liked Jamaima(?) right - how about having her as the love interest?  How about a distinctly Aryan J.?
 
General Indy sketches ideas:
Old Indy and the clones are up on the two balconies.
  This gives opportunity to establish a laboratory/clones context without having a separate scene.
  It also provides opportunity for meta-narrative jokes.
  It means stuff can be explained, but this could be cumbersome.
  In other words, it provides a narrator.
 
Zombies, who have discovered incorrect arcs, 'riding' around in them (between the legs) - both a 'boaty' thing, and a radius thing.
 
Anything in German subtitled must be absurdly unrelated (and absurd) in the German.
 
Notes on the below:
 
As of this writing the below are remarkably preliminary.
Dialogue needs to be rewritten to be 'Indie' like.  It's been far too long since I've seen an Indie film.
 
None of it is funny.
 
Drafts:
 
Scene 0:
 
Explanation of the 'arc' (broken peice of the wheel of time, or the first wheel invented or something like that).
 
Idea regarding: take of the introduction of 2001: Space Odyssey (One of Holst's 'Planets', wheel as monolith)
 
Scene 1:
 
Lights up on balconies - Old Indie on one side, on the other four 'young Indies'. [Nature thereof to be determined by skits later on.  Ideas have included a cat, a manly Nazi woman.]
At least two of the clones are fornicating.
 
Old: Hey, guys, we're on, assume your positions - the other ones!... *to audience* Wankers.
 
Youngs assume statue-like poses.  [I think the assumption was cryogenic freezing... possibly not necessary.]
Someone else walks on stage - Indies father perhaps (maybe a skeleton?).
 
Old: Well, I'm hot on the trail of the final relic - the Arc of salvation, a true icon of Christian goodness.  The (Neo)Nazis have focussed their evil resources, but I've managed to throw them off the trail: I baited them with the Da Vinci Code.  They were sucked in by the hype, hoping that it might provide answers, but little did they realise the bullshit contained within the tome will only make them dumber.
While they're off searching the Wentworth Building for Englightenment, some unusual activity on campus has suggested a much more promising lead - it's time to send out the first clone!  Young Indie number one, do your best, for the sake of conservative Western values everywhere!
 
First clone is unfrozen/ , pulls a hat and whip off the wall/hatstand, and proceeds offstage.
Lights raise on main stage, to #1 (not necessarily the same person - probably easiest, and saves time, if these are two people), standing amongst a smattering of guys (not girls).  Throughout the scene more guys stumble on stage.  Backdrop is a sign saying 'Library'.
 
#1: My God Older-Me, it's worse than we expected - the zombies are everywhere, and they're congregating!
 
Old: No, Younger-Me, I think there's another explanation - what time is it?
 
#1: 12pm
 
Old:  Ah, Younger-Me, morning class has finished and the bar has opened - they aren't zombies at all, merely engineers.
 
Random: (In background, cutting into the end of previous line) Engineer rhymes with beer!
 
#1: But Older-Me, in the sanctimonious symbol of culture which is the library, at this time of day?
 
Old: Yes.
 
#1: Wait!! How are you talking to me!?
 
Old:  Because (like a ghost)... you are my clone...!
 
#1: Older-me, you know as well as I do that there's no evidence to support supernatural connections between clones.
 
Old:  Well, yes, it is a difficult question to answer.  It does help that I'm within earshot.
 
#1:  Huh?  Oh yeah!  Hi!
(Old shakes head)
 
Hilariously funny punchline to end the scene
 
Scene 2:
 
It comes out that the builders are all working for Bob the Builder digging up campus looking for the arc.
 
A battle ensues, Gav Brown/the (vice) Chancellor (or some other uni official) comes out and stops proceedings.
 
Scene 3:
 
A secret meeting between Bob the Builder and the Official.
 
It transpires that the official has a lead regarding the arc.
Bob the Builder proceeds to kill the Official.
Indi tries to save him/her, but fails.
 
The scene ends with "But you will never find out how to calculate the radius!"
 
Scene 4:
 
At the museum.  Lots of zombies walking around with arcs between their legs (having been unable to calculate which arc it is due to not knowing the radius).
 
Jokes about calculating the radius.
 
Bob the Builder is unmasked as Osama Bin Ladin.
Old man: I should have known - Bob the Builder was an engineer after all!
 
Hilarious ending.
 
Post script:
 
That's seriously about all I have... and it doesn't look like we'll be using any of it so I'm going to leave it there.
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