Show Archive‎ > ‎2008‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎


Lights up, on stage two seats, a Driver and a Passenger are driving. I Cop pulls them over. The Cop walks around to the Passenger side of the car and taps on the Passengers Windo

Pass: Yes?

Cop: Driver's license please sir.

Pass: Who me?

Cop: Yes, you.

The passenger gets out his license and hands it to the cop.

Cop: Step out of the car please sir.

Pass: Why?

Cop: I'm going to have to ask you to come down to the station.

Pass: What for?

Cop: For being a P-plater.

Pass: What?

Cop: Well, perhaps you are not aware of the new regulations as per the start of the new financial yea, being a P-plater means that you are automatically driving over the speed limit. (slaps the hands cuffs on the Passanger). It breaks my heart you know. We were all so pleased when the Little Finger campaign came out. Instead of making it illegal, make it unfashionable. But there's always some bastards who don't bend with the trend. You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself, driving around like a hooligan...

Pass: We were not driving like a hooligan

Cop: Really? Well let's check the definition of a hooligan shall we. (Cop takes out a dictionary and reads out the definition of a hooligan). No. 3: a P-plater. Seems fairly conclusive to me sir.

Pass: But we weren't even speeding. We were going at 50 k's an hour. And this is a 60 zone.

Cop: Well, given your present state of intoxication, I'd be surprised if you can tell the difference between a 5 and a 6!

Pass: But-

Cop: I grant you, sir, they look very similar, but that sort of an argument won't stand up in court. You'd be lucky to get off with you life.

Pass: We don't have the death Penalty in Australia.

Cop: First there was Kyoto, then Work Choices, What will the new government overthrow next, I wonder?

Is this your vehicle, sir?

Pass: No

Cop: Theft, I see. Do you have a boogie board bag in your possession, sir?

Pass: No

Cop: Really !? May I see it?

P: No!

Cop: Withholding information, sir. This is not looking good. I'm going to have to ask you to come down to the station, leave, and come back 10 minutes later!

Cop slaps another pair of handcuffs on the Passanger)

Pass: Look, I think there's been some mistake!

Cop: Too right son! Your parents getting drunk for a start.

Pass: No about the driving!

Cop: Oh, don't tell me! Your weren't even there! Don't give me that, you shit! I've heard them all before! I wonder what else you didn't do? Murder? I just couldn't control myself sir? Arson? Honestly, I dropped the match into the petrol by accident! GBH? I'm, I'm sory sir, I thought he has a pinata! Bestiality? No, sir, the guinea pigs consented! Staging a coup! I'll give you the country back when I'm finished with it! They're probably firing up the chair as we speak! Tzzzzzt! (Slaps more handcuffs on to the Passenger).

Pass: Loot, I'm sorry, but I'm not actually driving.

Cop: ... What?

Pass: I'm not driving, I'm in the front passenger seat.

Cop: ... right.

The cop goes around to the Driver' side and taps on his window.

Cop: Driver's license, please sir.

The Driver hands him his license

Cop: Step out of the car, sir.

Dri: Look, officer, I don't see what the problem is. I'm driving under the speed limit, I'm not breaking any road laws, and I'm fully qualified. I don't see what's wrong.

Cop: Oh, you don't do you? (into his radio). Sir, I've got some people here who look a bit different to me. I think they're terrorists

Lights down.