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New Sins

In heaven. News has reached the angels that new deadly sins have been determined. Angel 1 is holding a list of the new sins. Angel 2 enters having just heard the news.

Angel 2: Did you hear? They made 7 new ones!? can they do that?

Angel 1: Apparently.

Angel 2: What are we supposed to do? Kick people out? Do we get back the people from hell condemned under the old ones?

Angel 1: No, I think the old ones are still in place... maybe... 

Angel 2: But you can only have SEVEN deadly sins the rest are just sins

Angel 3 runs in having just heard the news

Angel 3: Is it true?

Angels 1 and 2 nod

Angel 3: Great! snatches list from Angel 1 Now we are going to have to move people

Angel 1:
throws up hands Who elected this joker in the first place? Where does he get off thinking he can just make up bloody deadly sins? Show me somewhere in the Bible where it says he can do that!

Angel 2: I don't think it's so much a bible thing as a doctrine thing. Whatever the pope decides is law.

Angel 1: Yes but he's only supposed to be a vessel for god's word

Angel 2: Maybe the wireless internet connection was down

Angel 1: I knew we shouldn't have outsourced IT to hell.

Angel 3:
has been studying the list all this time Obscene wealth? What sort of deadly sin is that anyway? We're going to have to condemn the entire royal family!

Angel 2: Okay guys, lets just look at this calmly and rationally.

Angel 3: We'll start from the top and work our way down..  does anyone know if any of the saints were wealthy?

Angel 1: Probably not. The whole greed thing kind of covered that.

Angel 2: How about genetic modification? Did anyone engage in genetic modification?

Angel 3: Does evolution count?

Angel 1: Maybe, but I doubt they'd let us use it as an excuse to keep them out. They're all still hung up on that "creationism" thing. I still can't believe they fell for that one.

Angel 2: laughs Yeah, those apostles were real jokers!

Angel 1: joins in laughing As if someone as perfect as God wouldn't write an algorithm to do the creating for him.

Angel 3: Still studying the list How do they define "causing poverty" Because I can see that one being a real problem... I mean, all those vows of poverty. Seems kind of slack to the nuns and monks to kick them out on that basis.

Angel 2: pensive Hang on. Most of these sins are pretty modern right?

Angel 1 and 3: Right

Angel 2: So it's going to take a while for people to commit them and die?

Angel 1 and 3: yeah...

Angel 2: So in the meantime, most of hell is going to be hanging around up here...

Angel 1: Good point. It's not like they even knew about embryonic stem cells in the 13th century.

Angel 3: Catching on We're going to be overrun! With lazy, greedy, proud, envious, gluttonous lustful and excessively angry individuals!

Angel 1: And we'll lose pretty much all the scientists, artists and intellectuals...

Angel 2: Oh no the philosophers, who will figure out the meaning of life now?.

Angel 3: Dude, you're an angel, you already know the meaning!

Angel 1: And... oh dear...

Angel 2 and 3: What?

Angel 1: Moses. That whole "parting the seas" caused a whole stack of environmental pollution.

Angel 3: Shit! And he owes me $10

Angel 2: Bags not breaking the news to him

Beat. Angel 1 and 3 look at each other and sigh.

Angel 3: Flip for it?

Angel 1 nods

Angel 3: Call in the air!

Angel 3 flips a coin

Angel 1: Heads

coin lands

Angel 2: Heads it is

Angel 3: Damn angelic wisdom and foresight! looks pleadingly at Angel 1 Please don't make me go! Last time I pissed him off he set the bloody plagues on me!

Enter Devil

Devil: Eyyy guys!  Alright, envy no longer a deadly sin! I'm moving back in!  Where do I put my things?



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