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Doing The Washing

Do The Washing


Wife: Darl?


Husband: Yep?


Wife: Could you please do a load of washing for me please?


Husband: Sure, Hun.




Wife: Darl?


Husband: Yep?


Wife: Could you do it now, please?


Husband: Yeah, in a sec.




Wife: Darling?


Husband: Yes! What!?


Wife: The washing?


Husband: Yeah ok! Halftime is soon I’ll do it then, ok?


Wife: Hmph!


Husband: What?


Wife: It’s always ‘in a sec, I’ll do it soon’. Why can’t you just do it now?


Husband: Because, in a minute it’ll be halftime and I can put it on then without missing any of the game, which I enjoy watching.


Wife: You’d just prefer to watch the game then help me around the house that’s what it is.


Husband: But this way I can do both.




Wife: Honey?


Husband: Bloody what!?


Wife: Don’t talk to me like that!


Husband: I’m just trying to watch the game.


Wife: Yes! I know! The game is so important! I don’t ask for a lot you know.


Husband: I said I’ll put the washing on in a minute!


Wife: It’s always in a minute!


Husband: Fine! I’ll put it on NOW then! Goddamn it!


Wife: No! It’s fine, don’t worry about it.


Husband: No, no. I’m going now.


Wife: No it’s fine, I’ll do it myself.


Husband: I just said I would do it!


Wife: Yeah but you want to watch the game.


Husband: And I said I would do the washing! Which one do you want?


Wife: Just do whatever makes you happy.


Husband: Ok, I’ll watch the game and put the washing on at halftime.


Wife: Ok.


Husband: Ok.




Wife: Hmph! I’ll just do it myself!


Husband: For fuck’s sake!


Wife: I cook! I clean! I do everything and I just ask you to do one thing and this is what I get!


Husband: First of all you don’t cook, you experiment. Secondly I also clean, but I don’t put on a performance every time I do. And I’ll do the washing in a bloody minute!!!


Wife: You’re such a bastard!


Husband: Name calling is it? Right, you’re a fat bitch who just never shuts up.


 Wife: How dare you! I’m going to my mother’s!

Husband: Fine, but when you get back I won’t be here!


Wife: You!........


Husband: What?


Wife: We shouldn’t be arguing like this in front of the audience, it’ll upset them.


----------------------- Addendum---------------------




Husband: To hell with the audience, I’m going out for a drink.


Wife: No! No! Christopher! Noooo!.... (breaks down crying)




Lights Down






Written by Matt