Show Archive‎ > ‎2008‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Disabled Pay

Office scene, by which I mean a desk with files and a chair. A Man is sitting at the desk, facing the right.

A Worker, wearing a long-sleeved jacket, comes in from the right. His left hand is clearly visible, right hand not so much.

MAN: Ah, hello. Sit down, mate, tell the union what your problem is.

WORKER: (sitting and resting his left hand on the armrest) Not much. I was just wondering if you could talk to me boss about getting extra pay.

MAN: Oh? What kind?

WORKER: Disability, mate.

MAN: Really? You look fine...

WORKER: It’s me left hand, mate. I haven’t got one.

There’s a pause while the Man looks slowly at the Worker’s clearly visible and functioning left hand, then back at the Worker.

MAN: ...Look, mate, I don’t think I can—

WORKER: Are you serious? You can’t help me?

MAN: No, you don’t—

WORKER: (getting excited and making a fist with his left hand) Just you wait, mate, for to long the unions have claimed to be helping out us workers, when you're really hoarding our union fees! The proletarians of the world have nothing to lose but their chains! They have a world to win! Working men of all—

MAN: (standing up too) Mate, I can see your hand!

WORKER: (stops) ...What?

MAN: Your left hand. I can see it.

WORKER: (looks at it as if just noticing it, sitting down) What, this? It’s... it’s a prosthetic.

MAN: Looks real to me. (sits)

WORKER: Oh, it’s a very realistic-looking one, isn’t it? Doesn’t move though, look. (holds his hand palm up, flat)

Man looks at the worker like he wants to smack him

WORKER: What?

The Man reaches over the desk and flicks the Worker's hand hard. The Worker pulls it away.

WORKER: Ow!

MAN: Yeah, that’s a real hand.

WORKER: Nah, nah, it’s... (snaps fingers as he gets it) It’s a new experimental bionic arm!

Silence, glare from Man

WORKER: See, it’s so realistic it’s, it’s got electronic stuff that goes into my brain so I can even feel things, see? It works just like a real hand!

Silence, glare from Man

WORKER: (perhaps a little too optimistic) So can I have my money now?

MAN: So let me get this straight. You want your union to talk to your bosses to see about getting disability pay for a missing left hand...

WORKER: Yeah...

MAN: Which has since been replaced by a high-tech prosthetic.

WORKER: (nodding) Yeah, that's right.

MAN: A prosthetic so advanced that, should I believe your HIGHLY unlikely tale, it works just like a real hand.

WORKER: That’s right.

MAN: In which case, you STILL wouldn’t get disability pay because you wouldn’t be impaired by it.

WORKER: ...

MAN: (calmly) You’re bullshitting me, aren’t you?

WORKER: (frankly) Yeah.

MAN: (still calm) That's fine, do you still want to go through with this.

WORKER: (confused) Yeah... I guess so?


Man Pulls out hidden hammer, there a hard blackout then the sound of the hammer hitting the desk.

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