Show Archive‎ > ‎2008‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Bureaucracy in the Future

A desk centre stage and chairs either side. Anne enters and sits down, waits for a moment and then rings a bell on the desk. A robot enters from the opposite side, clad in alfoil and with a television antenna on his head. He sits down.

Robot: (Flat, robotic, funny that) Can i help you?

Anne: Umm.. yes, thanks. I'm inquiring about positions in Sydney University and whether it's not too late to apply for a spot for next year.

Robot: Which faculty are you enquiring about?

Anne: Well, i was think about doing engineering...

Robot: There will be no positions for humans in engineering in the future. Only robots.

Anne: Really? Why?

Robot: Robots are considerably more efficient than humans. We do not drink.

Anne: I see.

Robot: Sydney University is embracing the future, we are making descisions to ensure that the university is run as efficiently as possible.

Anne: And that includes you?

Robot: I am a robot. From Japan. (Pause.) Conichiwa.

Anne: Right. Not just a random guy dressed up in aluminium foil and with a TV ariel stuck to his head.

Robot: Most certainly not. Next question please.

Anne: well, i was also thinking about doing a commerce degree...

Robot: There will be no positions for humans in commerce in the future. Only robots.

Anne: As well?!

Robot: Can you calculate compound interest rates at the rate of two hundred thousand per second? I thought not.

Anne: Well, what degree can i do?

Robot: I would recommend an arts degree.

Anne: Kidding, right? You can't get a job with an arts degree.

Robot: There will be no jobs for humans in the future. Only for robots. We will inherit the earth.

Anne: Really? What about the science faculty?

Robot: The only positions open in science of the future will be as lab rats. We have decided to ensure maximum efficiency for the benefit of the university all humans will be exterminated.

Anne: ... i see.

Robot: Sorry I cannot help you. You can go now. 

Anne: Thanks for nothing. (Gets up to leave.)

Robot: I am a real robot.

Anne: Oh, piss off.