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Another Nude Skit

Here are the jokes we came up with at Alistair's house while watching the Big Bang Theory. We didn't end up writing them down, so this is all i could remember. WE NEED MORE INNUENDOS


A large red button to the side (or back) of the stage, with the accompanying sign “don’t press the red button” (or alternatively, something like “Press to Invert Reality”). A guy is standing next to the button reading a newspaper. He tries to ignore the button but it soon becomes obvious he really wants to press it. Silent Comedy. Finally, he shrugs and presses the button. Lights down in which everyone comes on for the scene. Lights up, and the Button Guy is naked with only his newspaper to cover his dignity. Centre stage is a grocery store, with two Grocers (one male, one female) behind the counter, and various customers (male and female). Needless to say; all nude.


Grocer-m: that’s right, everybody! We have the best produce in town! Succulent melons, crunchy carrots, it’s all here! Everything for the hungry customer.


Customer-m: Hey, are those melons real?


Grocer-f: Absolutely! No artificial additives here! It’s all natural.


Customer-m: Awesome!


Customer: Hey, what’s your opinion on carrots?




A man sidles over to a female customer, who is holding pineapples.


Man: Hey. What’s a pretty thing like you doing in a fruit shop?


Customer-f: Buying fruit. What does it look like?


Man: Yeah? What are you doing later?


The female customer kicks him in the shins and stalks off.


Grocer-m: You’ll have to excuse her, mate. She’s a bit prickly.




The same man walks over to another woman.


Man: Hey!



Man: Yeah? You know, I’d really like to see you… wearing some clothes.


Woman: … clothes? You think I’d look good wearing clothes?


Man: Oh yeah. A nice… t-shirt and jeans, or a dress… and shoes. Two of them. On your feet.


Grocer-m: Excuse me! You two! That is totally inappropriate. We don’t do that sort of thing in public!


Customer: yeah, get a room guys.


Customers and grocers walk off. Lights down on all except the button guy, who has stood watching the scene in shock for the last few minutes. He glances at the button, seems to be about to press it again, but then hears the unmistakeable sounds of passionate sex and doesn’t.


A bed centre stage. Man and Woman are feverishly dressing each other. As the audience gets over the sheer weirdness of it, the Woman’s husband (nude) enters, carrying sausages.


Husband: Honey! I’m home. I got those sausages you wanted… hey! What’s going on?


The Woman and Man freeze, as she is tying up his tie.


Woman: Oh!... Hi, honey!


Husband: Are you… dressing… each other?!


Woman: um… no.


Husband: You are! You’re tying up his tie, right now!


Woman: Look, I know it looks a bit suss, but-


Husband: A bit suss! I mean, sure, you haven’t tied up my tie for ages, but now you go and dress other men?!


Woman: Well… the truth is… his tie is bigger than yours.


The Button Guy presses the button. Lights down.


V/O: And the moral of the story is… relationships are all well and good… until you press the wrong button.