2012‎ > ‎Video sketches‎ > ‎

Neo F#cks with the Architect

*Neo walks into the white room with TV screens and two doors. Throughout the sketch the camera flicks back and forth between Neo and Architect as desired, except where specified*

ARC: Hello Neo.

NEO: Who are you?

ARC: I am the Architect. I created the matrix. I’ve been waiting for you.

NEO: So you’re one of the machines.

ARC: Yes, Neo. And I am in control. My being is inexorably linked with the entire matrix, and it exists under my command. Every nuance of its programming is my word and law. There has always been an Architect, and ergo the existence of a chosen one –

*Flick back to ARC, whose chair has changed subtly (maybe in colour, or slight size).*

ARC: Wasn’t I... what... what just happened?

NEO: I changed it. Keep going.

ARC: Okay... The chosen one is quintessential to the cleansing of the system. Inevitably, 1% of the matrix’s population arrive at the realisation that the world they live in is a deception.

*Flick back to ARC again, and he now has a cat and a monocle. Does not freak out but is totally unnerved. Takes off monocle.*

ARC: What the? Did you just...

NEO: Yes.

ARC: *tentatively putting monocle back on* Ah... alright. Where was I? Ah, yes, um, human intelligence. So a certain percentage of humans will discover the fact that your lives are run by a program that –

*This time NEO has placed an Octopus on ARC’s head*

ARC: What!? What the hell? What is this? *pokes it, recoils at the slimy nature of the octopoid upon his ghastly visage* Is this an octopus? Seriously Neo, stop it.

NEO: Okay.

*flick back and everything is back to normal, even the chair*

ARC: Alright... *breathes and collects self* The program. Yes. That program is under my control. All of the lives of people within the matrix are run on my whim, even and especially those of your –

*Flick back to ARC and they are in the woods. ARC’s head is shaved, he is in white underclothes (singlet, boxers and garters to socks) and there is a man at a campfire behind him. Man freaks out silently and runs*

ARC: Where the hell!? What are you doing!? Why would you –

NEO: Fuck you, that’s why! I control the matrix! You think that your powers could ever compete with mine!? *Clip of ARC cowering in fear* You’re just an architect, I’m the chosen one, bitch! I’m out!

*cut again to ARC from behind, he is cold and alone as NEO is gone. Large, carnivorous woodland creatures close in on him. End*