[It is a dark and stormy night. Alex sits at home, alone, at
his/her desk. Rain streams down the glass windows behind it. The room is full of shadows, and what lurks in them mercifully lies beyond the mortal ken]
Alex opens up his/her copy of Microsoft Office 2011, puts
the disc into the disc drive and a window appears.
“Welcome to Microsoft Office! To begin the installation,
please enter your license key.”
[Alex enters the license key]
“Thank you! Please enter the second license key found on the
inside of the box.”
[Alex opens the box and enters the second license key]
“Thank you! Please enter the authentication code found in
the instruction manual.
[He/she flips through the instructions booklet inside the CD
case, finds the license key on the back page, enters it]
“Thank you! Please warm the second installation disc to 20
degrees to reveal a license key, then enter it here.”
[Alex grabs a lighter, holds it beneath disc 2. A license
key appears in gold text around the disc’s edge.]
“Thank you! The next license key is being sent to you.
Please wait.”
[Alex stares at the screen. Suddenly, his/her iPhone rings.
It’s a private number.]
“Hello?”
[there is no response from the other line]
“Hello?”
[printing noises are heard. Alex puts the phone down on
his/her desk and sees a piece of paper emerging from the charging slot. He/she
pulls on it, and it unravels revealing a printed license key, which is then
entered.]
“Thank you! Please enter the license key printed beneath
your desk.”
[Bewildered, Alex looks beneath his/her desk and finds a
license key printed on the underside.]
“Thank you! Please enter the license key found on your left
arm.”
[Alex stares in shock, then rolls up his/her left sleeve and
is terrified to discover a license key printed there.]
“Thank you! Please enter the license key found on your right
arm.”
[Visibly panicked and shaking, he/she enters the one beneath
the right sleeve of their shirt]
“Thank you! Please enter the license key on your left cheek.”
[Camera shows the right side of his/her face and their eyes
widen. He/she slowly looks into a mirror and is shocked to discover a license
key scrawled on the other side of their face.]
“Thank you! You have completed the installation.”
[Alex exhales a sigh of relief.]
“To run your software, please enter the final runtime code
located behind you within 30 seconds.”
[dramatic cut between Alex’s face and scanning of that line,
finishing on a close up of “located behind you” and then "behind you" as he/she hears floorboards creak
and the quiet sound of breathing and the counter ticks down]
[camera pans as Alex, face filled with fear, slowly turns on
his/her swivel chair to discover a man dressed entirely in black holding a
board with a license key printed on it. The man slowly steps towards Alex as
Alex screams and the countdown ticks closer to 0, crying in fear as he/she
enters the license key as the man approaches. As the countdown reaches 0, Alex
enters it just in the nick of time and the man freezes, his license-key-board
inches away from their neck.]
“Thank you for entering your license key!”
Alex sighs.
“Error: Typo detected. Please retry.”
[music rises as Alex’s eyes widen and he/she slowly turns
around in fear as the license-key man raises the board and swings down. Cut to
blood splattering across the monitor.]
cut to black. White text appears. “Microsoft: We care about
users.”