2012‎ > ‎Video sketches‎ > ‎

Kim's Karebears

Narrator: THIS SUMMER, comes the literally feel-good political drama of the year.

In a land, where hatred and indifference reign supreme, [shots of marching armies, angry speeches, poor people]

only one elite force can take down... the Kim dynasty. [repeated cuts to typical preparing soldier: putting on boots, slipping on brassard which has a love hart on it, putting aviator sunglasses on a furry nose]

THE CAREBEARS. [Dramatic long group shot of carebears in military uniform and aviators walking in slow motion down a runway]

But they're about to find out that this is their toughest mission yet.

[Various political/military shots.  Carebears taking out guards with tactical hugs.  An American General and A South Korean General in a command post]

American General: We don't need these Liberal pussies!

South Korean General: No sir, we don't need hateful men like you!

[Cut to war room argument.]

South Korean President: We've tried war, and its failed and failed again.  LOVE IS OUR LAST SHOT.

[Cut to North Korea interrogation room, Carebear is handcuffed to chair.]

Torturer: Do you know what Carebear.  I don't love you.

Carebear: Please no... please.

Torturer:  In fact... I DON'T LOVE ANYONE.

Carebear: NOOO! *sobs uncontrollably*

[Cut to scientists showing powerpint presentation of a graph]

Lead scientist: Data projections have shown that at this rate we have less than 48 hours to hug Kim Jong-Un, or his loneliness will result in NUCLEAR WAR.

Narrator:  A literally heart-wrenching [shot of American General ripping heart Brassard off disgraced Carebear] adventure of action [Carebear throwing flowers at soldiers], drama [Carebear hugging another wounded Carebear, stuffing is falling out]

and unrequited love [shot of Kim Jong-Un crying, holding a gun to the forehead of a Carebear]

Featuring academy award winning actor Hugh Jackman as Funshine bear [Shot of a generic bear looking into the sunset] and academy award winning actress Emma Thompson as Tenderheart bear [Shot of a generic bear huddled into a ball in the corner of a cell]

This July, the Carebears are...



Rated G for General Exhibition