Gent:  Oh hello there.  Sometimes in this day and age, it is easy to take some of our most beloved classics for granted and forget the effort behind such masterpieces.  It is often easy to overlook the early manuscripts of such works, before they showed the great ambition that made them the great works we know and love today.  Well today, we here at Predictable House, Inc. have formed an anthology of classics in their earliest, most unremarkable forms.  This anthology includes works such as.  (originals in brackets for the unfamiliar)


The Average Gatsby (The Great Gatsby)

Reasonable Expectations (Great Expectations)

Grapes of Apathy (Grapes of Wrath)

Les Meh (Les Miserables)

Treasure Peninsula (Treasure Island)

Heart of Dim Brightness (Heart of Darkness)

Pride and Peer-reviewed/Well-reasoned Judgement (Pride and Prejudice)

Wuthering Beach (Wuthering Heights)

A Tale of Two Hamlets (A Tale of Two Cities)

Catch-11 (Catch-22)

The Butler of Monte Cristo (The Count of Monte Cristo)

The Sloucher of Notre Dame (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

The Merchant of Venice...'s Assistant (The Mechant of Venice)

The Unremarkable Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde)

The Fumbler in the Rye (The Catcher in the Rye)

The Lonely Musketeer (The Three Musketeers)

All Background Noise on the Western Front (All Quiet on the Western Front)

Gone With the Breeze (Gone with the Wind)

Visible Man (Invisible Man)

Of Mice and Kids (Of Mice and Men)

To Wound a Mockingbird (To Kill a Mockingbird)

Mischief and Punishment (Crime and Punishment)

Cold War and Peace (War and Peace)

20,000 inches under the Sea (20,000 leagues under the Sea)

Around the World in 80 Fortnights (Around the World in 80 Days)

The Da Vinci Crossword (The Da Vinci Code)

Cowardly New World (Brave New World)

How to Win Acquaintances and Recognize People (How to Win Friends and Influence People)

Middling Bureaucrat of the Rings (Lord of the Rings)

Paradise Misplaced (Paradise Lost)

PC-Beth (Macbeth)

Gulliver's Wanderings (Gulliver's Travels)

Adventures of Alice in Normalityland (Adventures of Alice in Wonderland)

Nurse Zhivago (Dr. Zhivago)

The Mortal Comedy, including the new edition of Dante's Tinderbox (Divine Comedy, Dante's Inferno)

The Kitten, the Amateur Magician and the Drawers (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)

2001: A Land Odyssey (2001: A Space Odyssey)

Primordial Soup Farm (Animal Farm)

Weeds for Algernon (Flowers for Algernon)

The Phantom of the Casting Studio (The Phantom of the Opera)

A Clockwork Mauve (A Clockwork Orange)

Heart of Slight Shadow (Heart of Darkness)

Hitchhiker's Guide to Lewisham (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

A Room With No View, But a Rather Nice Kitchen (A Room With a View)

Hanging Out with Godot (Waiting for Godot)

The idea is to have the Gent say some of them (preferably the most witty, or those that rely on verbal communication), whilst having a scrolling list of books across the bottom of the screen including others (ala compilation album infomercials). Feel free to add more.

Gent: Also, if you call within the next 30 minutes, you will get a collection of the rough cuts of history's most controversial films, absolutely free!  This collection includes:


Minor Victory of the Will (Triumph of the Will)

Fertilization of a Nation (Birth of a Nation)

Indifference of the Christ (Passion of the Christ)

Vegetarian Holocaust (Cannibal Holocaust)


Keep this list shorter, as it's just a bonus item.  Feel Free to add more.


Gent:  So if you want to feel truly uninspired, call now and purchase this fantastic collection of mediocre epics, for the mediocre price of $$$!

Cross to revolving display of mentioned books, with number at the bottom.