2012‎ > ‎Theme: Sin(x) City‎ > ‎

Theme 5

BOHR: Chief? You’re... you’re a crimer? And you’re smoking?
CHIEF: There’s more to me than just a chocolatey voice and excellent moustache.
EULER: Diamond. I was almost hoping you’d be in on this. I’m going to love throwing you in jail.
FEMME: His voice was strong, but his eyes were wavering.
CHIEF: Agnes not now.
FEMME: I told you not to call me that!
CHIEF: You don’t get to tell me to do anything! I head this council!
GRAND MATHEMATICIAN: Well technically speaking...
CHIEF: Technically speaking you’re an idiot Eugene! (GM looks crestfallen) Don’t you have some rulers to straighten?
GRAND MATHEMATICIAN: Yes sir. (is led away by a PC)
EULER: So what now, Diamond? You gonna kill us all to cover this up?
STABBY: Probably.
FIBONACCI: That’s what I’d do.
BOHR: Why is everyone so violent today?!
CHIEF: Hush, children! The grown-ups are talking.
BOHR: Shut up! You can’t tell us what to do!
FIBONACCI: He sorta can.
EULER: Yeah, he is your boss.
STABBY: And he’s got a gun!
CHIEF: Shut up! Next person to interrupt me learns what bullets taste like.
BALLlSTICS: Chocolate?
CHIEF shoots Ballistics
BALLISTICS: I was wrong! (limps off stage)
CHIEF: I see I have your attention. Now. Let’s have our final chat before I head back to the station.
BOHR: You shot ballistics! He was our friend!
CHIEF: Then what was his name?
BOHR: ...Mr. Ballistics?
CHIEF: Ugh. So, Euler. One cop to another - have you figured it out yet?
EULER: It wasn’t too hard. What’s the best way to hide crime? Convince everyone that crime doesn’t exist. So you told the people a ridiculous fairy tale, about a wizard and  an equation and a happy ending.
FEMME: And like goats they believed it.
EULER: But then I came here, and started raising questions. Fibonacci too. So you sent your  flunky in a dress to bring us here.
FEMME: His beautiful, mysterious flunky.
CHIEF: But she wasn't available so I got Femme instead.
FIBONACCI: I’m actually sort of impressed.
CHIEF: Yeah, I’m pretty brilliant. Well, I’ve got my validation now. Prime Councillors?

The Prime Council members throw off their hoods to reveal FORENSICS (on crutches?),  the CRIMINAL, and a few others] - they then draw their weapons

EULER: Do your worst.
CHIEF: Kill them.
*mass of clicking as they test fire their guns only to discover they have no ammo*
EULER: See, the problem with a crime-free city is not even your goons remember how to commit crime anymore. Your men forgot to load their guns.
CHIEF: Goddamnit guys do I have to tell you to every little thing? It’s not that hard. We’re the bad guys - it’s not too much of a stretch of imagination to think ‘maybe I’m going to have to kill people today’.
Prime Councilman 1 (Literally anyone): Wait... we’re evil? (murmur of confusion from the council)
Prime Councilman 2: Of course we are! (some shouts of agreement)
Prime Councilman 3: That doesn’t sound like something I’d like to be. (other shouts of agreement)
CHIEF: Okay - look. Everyone who wants to side with me and my moustache find someone who doesn’t and beat them over the head. Do you think you can manage that?

FIBONACCI beats FORENSICS while YANA slaps ALICE. CRIMINAL punches FIBONACCI while ALICE slaps YANA to the ground. CRIMINAL punches YANA while ALYCE punches STABBY. CRIMINAL punches ALYCE, then screams in victory and punches himself out.

CHIEF: Well... shit.
BOHR: Chief...dad.
CHIEF: Son, I’m not your father!
BOHR: You were supposed to be a good guy, but this is bad! This is evil!
CHIEF: It’s not quite black and white son.
BOHR: Stop calling me son! It’s twisting my heart guts!
CHIEF: Shut up! (pistolwhips BOHR to the ground)
EULER: Hurt him again and I will beat the nine layers of hell out of you. I promise you this.
CHIEF: How can you possibly care Euler? He’s an imbecile.
BOHR: Thank you...
FEMME: And you did nothing but insult us.
EULER: But he stuck with me, and even stood up to you. He worships you Diamond. Hes as good of a partner as any cop could ask for.
FEMME: You... you don’t hate him.
EULER: No it's just tough love.
FEMME: So you didn’t hate... me? (EULER makes a so-so motion with his hand “Eh.”)
CHIEF: This is all getting terribly tiring. Euler its two on one. You cant beat us both with just your fists - but I’m feeling generous. How would you would you like a spot on the prime council. I could use a good right hand man.
EULER: I’ve got your answer rounded to two significant figures here (flips CHIEF the double bird)
CHIEF: That’s a shame. You’d have made an excellent prime three.
EULER: Chief - piece of advice. Never ever try and convert your nemesis into your right hand man. (pointed stare at Femme, pronouncing the words carefully) It would really set you up for a double cross.
FEMME looks confused for a second before the revelation hits her. She runs to get a stepladder, and puts it behind CHIEF while preparing her chloroform during this next bit.
CHIEF: Time to die Euler, you smarmy bastard. Any last words?
CHIEF goes to shoot EULER who grabs his arm.
(Femme smashes CHIEF across the head with the bottle of chloroform)
CHIEF: Oh you double-crossing bitch (crumples over)
FEMME: I...I double-crossed?
EULER: We’re so proud.
BOHR: And aroused!

(FEMME steps forward for her aside)

FEMME: As her former employer lay unconscious and hopefully brain damaged on the ground, Femme felt pride swell in her soul. She had done it - they had doubted her but she had proved them wrong. She was a maverick with nerves of steel and a heart of noir. She was Femme Fatale. And she was a Femme Fatale. (steps back into the scene, EULER and BOHR appear not to have noticed, she reacts in exuberance until her next line she is doing everything short of humming to convey her extreme happiness)
BOHR: So... what now?
EULER: We need to let the city know what happened here. But they need to know not to be afraid. We need to let people know that crime exists, and that the police are here to stop it.
BOHR: So... what you’re saying is...
EULER: The city needs you, and me, all of us at the Centre for Investigation of Accidents. Things are probably going to get a little crazy. (kicks Fibonacci)
FIBONACCI: (groggily) Wha? I’ll burn yur house down...
Femme helps Fibonacci up
BOHR: So... we’re partners? (kicks stabby)
STABBY: (groggily) No puppies, let me pat you.
FEMME helps STABBY up.
EULER: Yeah we’re partners.
FIBONACCI: I guess it’s over then?
EULER: Yeah, now things can go back to how they were.
FIBONACCI: I look forward to it, come on Stabby, we've got a lot of people to stab.
EULER: (cheerily) See you in jail.
FIBONACCI: (equally cheery) See you in hell! (exits, with Stabby)
BOHR: Should I get on the line with HQ? We should get to work arresting the council.
EULER: Yeah.

(BOHR exits, EULER steps forward for his closing monlogue)

EULER: So that was that. The harsh, blinding lights faded, the shadows receded and everything returned to that familiar shade: grey. They all lived happily ever after. Found a common denominator...even if it was the lowest.