2012‎ > ‎Theme: Sin(x) City‎ > ‎

Theme 4

(Grand Mathematician's lair. Equations covered Blackboards. A central platform leads to a board with lights shining on it.)


EULER: You sure this is the place?
FIBONACCI: I’m sure.
EULER: You okay Bohr?
BOHR: Fine. (Cries out in pain). Thanks Stabby.
FIBONACCI: Shh. Let’s find him and get out of here. Keep quiet
(The five tip-toe through the darkness)
FEMME: (aside) Through the darkness and fog -
EULER: I swear to god -

LX: All lights off.

Oh god! Am I dying?

LX: Spotlight flashes onto them.

BOHR: I’m dying! I can see the light!

LX: Crazy coloured lights start flashing.

BOHR: Goodbye, Stabby!

LX: Lights flash on the raised platform, displaying an image of the GRAND MATHEMAGICIAN

(GRAND MATHEMAGICIAN is dressed in glittering robes/wizard hat covered in mathematical symbols)

GM: (Mic) I am the Grand Mathematician of Sin(x) City.
BOHR: My liege! (falls to one knees)
EULER: So we’ve finally found you.
GM: And who are you?
EULER: Detective Euler. I’ve been looking for you for what feels like (pointed stare at Femme) a very long time.
FEMME: His words were harsh, but behind them lay a soft, velvety heart of -
GM: Silence! What would you ask of the most powerful mathematician in all the land?
EULER: I want to know the truth!
FIBONACCI: I want to see the Anti-Crime Equation!
FEMME: I want to double-cross somebody!
BOHR: I want to stop bleeding.
GM: And each of you shall have what you came here for... in time. Merely gazing upon the Anti-Crime Equation would drive a lesser man insane. And a greater man even more so!
FIBONACCI: So... we can’t see it?
GM: No. But you may, if you so wish, stay here and study under me, together we will explore the Anti-Crime Equation’s boundless mysteries.
Euler sneaks around during this part, approaches the covered blackboard and uncovers it
GM: It may take ten, twenty, even fifteen years, but eventually you will understand the complexities, the intricacies, the -
EULER: You mean this? spins around the blackboard to reveal “CRIME - CRIME = NO CRIME”
GM: Pay no attention to the math behind the curtains!
FIBONACCI: This... this is the Anti-Crime Equation?
GM: (desperately) Isn’t it amazing!
BOHR: What is that?
EULER: That is the Anti-Crime Equation.
BOHR: No! It can’t be! Crime - crime = no crime makes as much sense as stabbed - stabbed = not... oh God. I've been stabbed! You... [turns to STABBY] ...you stabbed me!
STABBY: ...Yes.
BOHR: On purpose!
BOHR: I trusted you!
STABBY: Why would you trust me?! I'm a criminal henchman! With knives for fingers! Whose name is Stabby!
BOHR: But that’s a...! Oh god. Guys. Guys. I think I’ve been crimed!
BOHR: Someone get me bandages!
BOHR (TO EULER):  You were right. You. (To Fibonacci.) And you.
BOHR: Them!
GM: What?
EULER: Stop it. (everyone pauses and looks at him) So the “Grand Mathematician” isn’t all he’s cracked up to be.
BOHR: I’ll bet he’s not even a real wizard.
GM: I... I am! I am a wizard! I’m the Grand Mathemagician of Sin(x) City! There is so much wizard up in -
Euler moves the image revealing the real GM.
GM: (really awkwardly) Hello.
FEMME: The shock in the room was palpable. It was so shocking you could palp it.
BOHR: So... if you’re not the Grand Mathematician -
GM: No, I am... I’m just... not very good at maths.
FIBONACCI: But you run the city! You’re the head of the Prime Council!
GM: It’s more an honorary position than anything.
BOHR: If the Grand Mathematician’s an idiot, then who’s behind this?
EULER: It’s obvious, isn’t it?
FIBONACCI: This is too big for one person.
EULER: It must be
EULER AND BOHR SIMULTANEOUSLY: The (Euler: Prime Council, Bohr: BBC)
BOHR The Prime Council. Wait, what?
GM: It’s true! It’s all true. (cries) They... they said I could be important, and they’d give me a cool hat, and I... I just really wanted to be a wizard.
BOHR: (also start crying) First the Grand Mathematician’s an idiot, and now the Prime Council’s corrupt... DO I HAVE ANY EMPLOYERS THAT HAVEN’T BETRAYED ME? (throws off badge), rips off shirt, scribbles over tattoo in marker)
FEMME: Little did they know -
BOHR (to Femme): Little did we know WHAT, FEMME? Are you going to betray me too? Gee, I had no idea that was going to happen!
FEMME: LITTLE DID THEY KNOW she’d been in on it the whole time.
(FEMME laughs a ridiculously bad laugh)
FIBONACCI: What was that?
FEMME: That was BETRAYAL! (pulls a gun on Euler) It’s all over, Euler. I’ve been working for them the whole time! You never should’ve trusted me.
EULER: I didn’t!
FEMME: Fooled by a femme fatale. Oh, they laughed at her, they all laughed, but within that laughing stock lay a maverick! A temptress! As beautiful as tomato sauce and twice as deadly! And now all the Prime Council’s enemies are in one place.
PRIME COUNCIL (robed and wearing masks with prime numbers on them) enter from EVERYWHERE
EULER: Wait... what?
BOHR: The Prime Council! They’re here!
FIBONACCI: YOU’RE on the Prime Council?
FEMME: Of course I am! (flips up hood with a prime number on it) You see? I’m more than just a pretty face!
EULER: You’re not even a -
FEMME: Shut up, Euler. Fellow councilmen! Seize them!
EULER: It’ll take more than some idiots with numbers on their forehead to keep me from the truth.
CHIEF: (revealing himself) I should hope so.