2012‎ > ‎Theme: Sin(x) City‎ > ‎

Theme 1

BOHR, BALLISTICS, FORENSICS, and CRIMINAL are all on stage. This is a crime scene. A murder has occurred. FORENSICS is examining the body. BALLISTICS is examining a wall. COUNSELLOR #2 is standing with the CRIMINAL.

CRIMINAL: Can I please go home now?
CHIEF: Nobody goes home until we have established exactly how this tragic accident happened.

EULER arrives.

EULER: Detective Euler.
CHIEF: The new transfer. Welcome to the world of accident investigators. I’m Chief Diamond and this is your new partner, Bohr.
BOHR: Hey there buddy!
EULER: ...hi
CHIEF: Well, my paperwork is growing faster than my moustache, so I’ll leave this to you two.

CHIEF exits

EULER: Okay Bohr- why is that man moving the victim’s body?
BOHR: He’s placing it in a more dignified position. Standard accident procedure.
FORENSICS: It’s respect for the dead you heartless bastard.
EULER: Back in my town, that’s “tampering with a crime scene”.


FORENSICS: A ‘h-what’ scene?
BOHR: You’re new here, so let me show you the ropes: There’s no crime in sin(x) city.
EULER: No crime.
BOHR: Correct. This is an accident.
EULER: Really?
BOHR: When you’ve been doing this as long as we have you learn to see the patterns. It’s always an accident.
FORENSICS: Oh yeah, sure, I guess you want to just leave him here splayed out all undignified? You DISGUST ME. Have you no respect!?
BOHR: Forensics, take five.
BOHR: C’mon buddy.

FORENSICS walks out.

FORENSICS (off stage): DAMNIT.
EULER: Okay... so, male, two gunshot wounds to the chest. Seems we’ve got a couple of stray bullets.
BALLISTICS: (moving over): Chocolate bullets?
EULER: Bullet bullets.
BALLISTICS: There’s only one way to be sure. (eats the bullet casings)
EULER: Don’t eat the evidence!
BALLISTICS: Test results (swallows) inconclusive.
EULER: And who’s this? (at criminal)
BOHR: When we arrived the poor guy was standing over the deceased, holding that gun, covered in the victims blood, laughing maniacally, yelling “I did it, I did it!”
EULER: So he did it!
BOHR: He’s a witness to the accident.
EULER: Wouldn’t “murder” be a simpler explanation?
BOHR: You calling me simple?
EULER: Only by implication.
BOHR: I don't know what that means.
BALLISTICS: Do you two mind? This man is grieving.
EULER: You’re standing where a man was murdered (gasp) and your solution is to tamper with the evidence and to help a CRIMINAL? (huge gasp) You’re denser than the bullets you’re eating. (huge gasp, BALLISTICS spits out bullets)
(CHIEF has walked on stage wearing a big bushy moustache)
CHIEF: Euler.
BOHR: Chief!
CHIEF: (nods) Son.
EULER: Chief-
BOHR: Euler.
EULER: -this is ridiculous. This guy’s an imbecile.
BOHR: Thanks!
CHIEF: Bohr is a damn fine accident investigator. You’d do well to follow him. I’ve been gone for well over 45 seconds. Is this solved yet?
BOHR: The man fell on a bullet.
EULER: There are two bullet wounds!
BOHR: He fell on a bullet twice.
(EULER points to the criminal and gestures/yells angrily.)
CHIEF: And this caring citizen here took the gun from the deceased in order to prevent him from falling onto another bullet.
CRIMINAL: And now I’ll get away with it!
CHIEF: Well, this is all wrapped up. Everyone back to the station (FORENSICS, BALLISTICS, CRIMINAL begin leaving). And Euler, we don’t need you to fix our city. The Anti-Crime Equation has already done that. It’s thanks to the Grand Mathematician and his Prime Council that crime no longer exists.
BOHR: That’s why we investigate accidents.
CHIEF: You’re new, you’re eager, but stop trying to find the upper limits of my patience or else you’ll be minus a job.
ALL except EULER and BOHR exit.

EULER: This was no accident.
BOHR: Accident until proven suicide.
EULER: What is that?
BOHR: That is the motto of the Centre for Investigating Accidents.
EULER: Bullshit.
BOHR: It’s written on my badge.
EULER: Look PAST your badge, Bohr.
BOHR: It’s written on my shirt.
EULER: Past the shirt!
BOHR: It’s tattooed on my chest! If you hate my tattoo so much, why did you transfer here?
EULER: I’ve got a theory. There’s been a lot of suspicious deaths in Sin(x) City recently. There’s this guy-
BOHR: Who fell on bullets.
EULER: And the woman in the river?
BOHR: Faulty concrete flippers.
EULER: Man found dead in his hotel room?
BOHR: Allergic reaction to being repeatedly stabbed.
EULER: There's a pattern here. I’m going to find the creator of the ‘Anticrime Equation’ and get some answers.
BOHR: You’d never be able to find the Grand Mathematician. No-one can!
FEMME: (entering) I can.