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*Why Hades Rules The Underworld

POSEIDON: Zeus, you're not getting me to rule the underworld, it's just a hole in the ground! I want to rule the skies!

ZEUS: Look Poseidon, one of us has to rule the underworld. ...I know! We shall decide with a godly contest: we will build mountains, carve valleys, defile virgins, forge dynasties, defile virgins... Virgins!

<Zeus stares into the distance.>


ZEUS: What? Oh yeah - the winner will be the rules of whatever he so desires.

<They both look at each other for a second. Beat.>

BOTH: Shotgun not!

POSEIDON: Well I'm out of ideas...

<HADES comes in>

BOTH: Heeeyyyy Hades!

HADES: Hey team, isn't being a god awesome?

ZEUS: You know it brother! And do you know the most awesome place or a god to be?

HADES: Where?

POSEIDON: Why, the underworld of course!

ZEUS: You get the huge place to yourself, with a view of a river and sweeping vistas of... um...

HADES: You guys both know I've always wanted to rule the seas or skies.


POSEIDON: Psshh the skies -

ZEUS: Too empty.

POSEIDON: Too breezy.


ZEUS: And the seas -


POSEIDON: Too wet.


ZEUS: Fish shit in it.


HADES: I'm not doing it!


ZEUS: But there's a giant three headed dog down there!


POSEIDON: Three heads, Hades. Thrice the fun!

HADES: It's tempting but I'm just not really convinced, and although I am a dog person, I'm still not sure...

ZEUS: Go on, give him a pet!

<They push HADES into the underworld>

HADES: Ahhhh! Oofff!

ZEUS: Well, while you're down there, you may as well rule over the wonderful underworld for ALL eternity.

HADES: What?! The underworld is just a hole in the ground! And there's no giant three headed dog! This is just three vicious dogs taped together! Guys get me out of here!

POSEIDON: There's no way we can reach you now, all the way down there.

HADES: Just use your god powers! Or a ladder!

ZEUS: We can't because.. because-

POSEIDON: Because we don't want to

ZEUS: Well not so much that we don't want to, it's more that it will benefit us if we don't.

HADES: Ahh I hate you both so much! Argh!

<HADES kicks the cage, hurts self>

HADES: I'm going to torture every soul you send here for all eternity!

POSEIDON: That's the spirit.


ZEUS: So Poseidon, isn't the sea great?

POSEIDON: Didn't you just say that fish shit in it-

<ZEUS pushes POSEIDON into the sea>