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The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

The League Of Ordinary Gentlemen

 Enter Henchman with Girl, Villain onstage

Henchman: Sir I've brought the girl

Girl struggles, henchman overpowers her

Villain: Excellent! Time to stroke my ridiculous moustashe and make the ransom demands...

Shadowy figures emerge

Gentleman: Unhand her you Ruffians!

Henchman: Who the hell are you?

G: We are (steps into the light revealing top hat and classical attire) the league of Ordinary Gentlemen!

All gentlemen : harrumph
Gentleman: We fight for civility and good taste for all without exceptionality in any form. Now unhand that woman and prepare to be chastised harshly!
Henchmen: You don't look so threatening.
Villain: Don't underestimate them, they have foiled my plans on more than one occasion.

Gentleman: You sir are behaving in a manner most ungallant and shall forthwith be at the mercy of the league. Sebastian – remove this filth’s hat.

Sebastian: With great aplomb sir!

Removes mugger’s hat and stomps on it, mugger is surprised and lets girl go.

Gentleman: Another everyday discourtesy returned to the manner of the civilised man! Good show chaps!
The league begin to share congratulatory whisky and cigars etc
Villain: Curses!
Henchman: Oh no... you stomped on my hat. I guess I can just bend over and pick it... (pulls a gun) or just shoot you.
Gentleman: By Jove! Well that's not at all sporting.
Villain: Quite frankly I am appalled – that's a rather underhanded manoeuvre.
Henchmen: Of course it is, you're the villain - you just kidnapped this girl!
Lady: my name's Jen by the way
Henchman: Jack - nice to meet you 
Villain: I may be Evil - but I am not incivil (to gentlemen) I do apologise for my henchman gentlemen; he clearly doesn’t understand how we deal with these situations
Gentlemen: That's quite alright. Now, on the the verbal sparring!
Lady; What? Aren't you going to get the police?
Gentlemen; Fear not dear lady, not evil can survive in the face of perfectly starched cravats! Nathaniel go fetch a cup of tea for the poor lady while I deal with this scum
Villain: I sincerely doubt your power to stand against my might –
While villain is speaking henchman walks forward and rips of gentlemen's cravat
Villain&Gentlemen: *Gasp*
Villain: Oh my word! I am so sorry good sirs.  Jack how could you?
Gentleman: It's quite alright, I am unphased in spirit if not in appearance. Now can we please continue this disagreement like civilised men?
Villain: Indubitabely. Jack, you are dismissed. I shant be needing your uncouth assitance any longer.
Gentlemen: Hrumph
Lady: Is this really happening?
Henchmen: I ask myself the same question every day. Want to get a cup of coffee? This could take a while.
Lady: Yeah alright.