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*The Cat in the Orange Jumpsuit

JUDGE: This court is resumed. Prosecution - please proceed with your cross-examination.
PROSECUTOR: Thank you Your Honour. Dr Seuss, you have been accused of breaking and entering, kidnapping, and murder. Is this correct?

I meant what I said and I said what I meant!
I am not guilty, one hundred percent!

PROSECUTOR: I see, but on the 14th of February you were seen exiting the home of a young Who-ville family. Upon interviewing the occupants of the household, it was discovered that not only were you unknown to the occupants, but that you entered the premises under false pretenses, as a feline in headwear. Is this correct?

You have brains in your head,
You have feet in your shoes,
You can steer yourself
Any direction you choose.

PROSECUTOR: Dr. Seuss, is this an admission of guilt?

No, no it is not.
For guilt-free am I!
We've established I have
Quite a strong alibi!
All of these things I could simply not do
As during that time, I was down, with the flu.

PROSECUTOR: Your Honour, the prosecution requests the defendant stop speaking in anapaestic tetrameter.

JUDGE: Denied. There's nothing in the law against poetry. Mr Wright, please proceed.

PROSECUTOR:  As Your Honour pleases. Dr Seuss, alibi for the 14th of February aside, how do you explain away your involvement in the kidnapping of dozens of innocents in the guise of "Sam-I-Am" over the period May 15th to May 29th?

On the fifteenth of May, in the Jungle of Nool,
In the heat of the day, in the cool of the pool,
He was splashing, enjoying the jungle's great joys,
When Horton the elephant heard a small noise.

PROSECUTOR: Be that as it may, Dr. Seuss, where were you during that period?

I did know the who named Sam-I-am
I just stopped by his house to deliver some jam.

PROSECUTOR: But you weren't delivering jam for both weeks, so where were you?

My innocence is true, this case is a sham -gets cut off-

PROSECUTOR: Answer the question! -Seuss speaks over-

My innocence is caught all on webcam

DEFENCE: Objection! Prosecution is harassing the defendant. 

JUDGE: Sustained. Webcam footage presented in examination-in-chief establishes Dr. Seuss' whereabouts from the 15th to the 29th. I will not have you harassing the defendant. Proceed carefully Mr. Wright.

PROSECUTOR: My apologies Your Honour. Even if the defendant wasn't involved in these incidents, I have proof that this man knowingly orchestrated a riot where innocent bystanders were killed. Dr. Seuss, please explain your involvement in the July 7th beetle paddle battle.

When beetles fight these battles 
in a bottle with their paddles 
and the bottle's on a poodle,
they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle bottle paddle battle.
But when beetles fight these battles 
in a butter battle manor 
in a bottle with their paddles 
and the bottle's on a poodle 
and the poodle's eating noodles, 
they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle butter battle.

PROSECUTOR: Your Honour, witness is avoiding the question.

JUDGE: Answer the question, Doctor.

Sorry for the delaying, 
but as I was saying, 
if the beetles fight these battles 
in a butter battle manor 
in a bottle with their paddles 
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's-

PROSECUTOR:  Answer the question Seuss!

Please, dear sir, you give me a fright,
I promise you sir, everything is alright,
Know that while I was planning that night,
All I wanted to see was people hurt one another.


SEUSS: Damn it.