Husband is sitting in the Loungeroom, reading a newspaper. Wife walks in, nicely dressed in a scarf and a hat covering her hair.

Wife: Gerald, I’m home.

Gerald grunts.

Wife: So how was your day?

Gerald:Fine.

Wife: Prescribe any glasses today?

Gerald: A few.

Silence.

Wife (suggestive): Well, I haven’t had my eyes checked recently… do you think it’s time for my checkup?

Gerald (nervously): I don’t think that’s a good idea…

Wife: Oh come on! We haven’t done something as a couple so for long…

Gerald: Look.....I think we need to talk about our relationship.

Wife (defensive): What is there we need to talk about?! (tries to get him to face her) Why don’t you ever look me in the eyes anymore?!

Gerald: Surely you can answer that for yourself!

Wife: Just look at me!

Gerald: No!

A short scuffle ensues. Gerald finally breaks away, staring away from her.

Gerald: Medusa! We have been through this. I literally can not look you in the eye.

Medusa: IT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T NEED YOUR LOVE, GERALD! You don’t need to look me in the eye to notice that I got a new haircut on Tuesday.

Medusa tears off her hat and scarf to reveal eight snakes in her hair.

Gerald: Well, forgive me for not wanting to point out the EIGHT GIANT PYTHONS IN THE ROOM…

Medusa (suggestively): Don’t you mean… nine giant pythons?

Gerald: NO.

Medusa(teary):What did I ever do to you to deserve this?

Gerald: Well, let’s do a quick body count, shall we? My best friend, Toby – table.

Medusa(defensive): It's not all bad.  My 'condition' has done a lot of good for this marriage.

Gerald: My sister, Candice.  The coat rack!

Medusa: Hey, we've no longer got problem with Mormons!

Gerald: My dog, who is now not just AS dead as a doorstop, he is LITERALLY the doorstop.

Medusa: It won us the neighbourhood sculpting competition!

Gerald: And to top it all off, my parents. MY PARENTS ARE DEAD.

Medusa: We never have to travel for family reunions any more!

Gerald:  I’m sorry, but this marriage can't work with my parents constantly staring over my shoulder.

Medusa:  Come on, they're YOUR parents!  The pressure is clearly on me.

Gerald: I can’t keep living in the same house as the calcified corpses of the people I love. I can’t keep living in the fear that everyone I get close to might end up stone cold dead. AND I CAN NOT CONTINUE TO SHARE A BED WITH ONE WOMAN AND EIGHT REPTILES.

 Gerald starts to pack his belongings.

Medusa: Where are you going to go?! Oh, you’re not going to Mary from accounting, are you? YOU ARE! You bastard, of course. I’ve seen the way you look at her.

Gerald: That's the point Medusa, I CAN ACTUALLY LOOK AT HER.  Goodbye!

Medusa: NO!  I'll won't let you walk out on me!

Medusa grabs him, and looks him dead in the eye. Gerald freezes as he walks and falls over.

Medusa: Oh Gerald. I knew you couldn't stand to leave.