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Psychology! Simple psychology.

[PROFESSOR ZADRO is sitting at a booth labelled "Psychology". On her table are a bunch of flyers from the school of psychology. A STUDENT walks by carrying a USYD information day bag]

DRO: Jamie!
STUDENT: How did you know my name?
ZADRO: Never mind that. Have you considered studying... psychology?
STUDENT: Well, I thought about it, but I think I'm going to do chemistry instead.
ZADRO: Chemistry? How... nice.
ZADRO: But will chemistry let you enter the world of the unconscious? Will chemistry teach you the secrets of the mind? Will chemistry impress Riley when you take her out for dinner on Saturday?

STUDENT: How did you know about -
ZADRO: The same way I knew your name, and your crippling fear of spiders.

ZADRO: Ah! [holds up a picture of a spider]
STUDENT: [screams, recoils]
ZADRO: You see, Alex? Psychology.
STUDENT: How did you know about my fear of spiders?
ZADRO: Psychology. Simple psychology. 
STUDENT: Right. Well. I have a suspicion of my own. Do you drive a silver Audi with number plate NQE328?
ZADRO: You can read minds too! Jamie, you're an even better candidate for psychology than I suspected.
STUDENT: No, I can't read minds, and neither can you.
ZADRO: Yes I can!
STUDENT: No, I can't. I'm pretty sure you've just been sitting outside my house for the past two weeks.
ZADRO: No, Jamie, that's what I wanted you to think. If I was stalking you, how would I know you loved Granny Smith apples?
STUDENT: Because you've been going through my bins. I've seen you!
ZADRO: It's psychology! Simple psychology!
STUDENT: What's that then?
ZADRO: One of my textb-
STUDENT: It's my diary. 
ZADRO: Ah, well, so it is.

[the two fight over the diary. Jamie takes it]

ZADRO: You don't understand! I NEED YOU IN THIS FACULTY, Jamie. Don't you understand - you have the strongest mind I've seen in years! Greatness lies in your future - stick with me, and I will teach you to see into minds, how to mold them, shape them. Together we can revolutionise human consciousness. Together, we will be unstoppable!
STUDENT: No, professor, you're not a mind reader. You're not a psychic. You're not even a responsible member of your faculty. You're a sick, twisted lady and I want no part in your delusions. I'm doing chemistry, please leave me and my family alone! [Starts to leave]
ZADRO: Right. Ah. Very well then. I guess you've... you've... [Shrieks loudly and breaks down into psychotic state of misery - crying, rocking back and forth, repeating gibberish to herself]
STUDENT: [Comes back and attempts to placate Zadro] Uhh, Professor... are you OK?... just calm down... please, you've got to calm down... please, just stop....OK, OK! FINE! I will do psychology, just please settle down [signs enrolment sheet and leaves]
ZADRO: Simple psychology.