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Orc Philospher

Two Orcs are onstage. Legolas runs on stage.

Legolas: Orc!

Shoots orc with arrow. Orc falls down dead.

Legolas: 42!

Legolas runs offstage. Aragorn enters, sees the remaining orc and charges with his sword.

Aragorn: For Gondor!

Orc: (Throws up his hands) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What the hell do you think you're doing?

Aragorn: What do you mean?

Orc: Why were you charging at me with that sword.... while I'm standing over the body of my best friend no less.

Aragorn: You're an Orc!

Orc: And you're a human, but why are you - wait. Wait. Are you... are you hunting Orcs? Is that why my friend was just struck down and added to a tally?

Aragorn: Well..Yes.

Orc: You psychotic xenophobes.

Aragorn: Our countries are at war.

Orc: I suppose that gives you the right to just vilify any Orc you come across then. You monster! Oh don’t mind Larry, he doesn't have friends and family and contribute to his community – he’s just a spawn of darkness.

Aragorn: See there you just referred to yourself as a spawn-

Orc: I was being Facetious. 

Aragorn: Look, I'm a man -  you’re an Orc – this is what happens when we meet – we fight!

Orc: I never did anything to you. Why should we fight?

Aragorn: You were literally spawned in a mud-pit from the tortured and shattered remnants of an elf.

Orc gasps.

Aragorn: That... that came out wrong.

Orc: Come down from your ivory tower! You flaunt the wealth, power and virtue of your white city of kings, and yet wonder why the people living in the slums of Middle Earth hate you and rise up to claim a small scrap of lands that isn't perpetually on fire... (Aragorn looks like he’s about to pipe in) Open your eyes. Let not a being be defined by the greeness of their skin, nor the mud-pit of their birth. Look, I'm giving a speech at the occupy Gondor rally - you should come along. Maybe we can change your mind. We could even be friends.

Aragorn: I... I would like that very -

Legolas runs across the stage and shoots the Orc, who collapses.

Legolas (still running): 43!