Open to shot of Mickey hosting a dinner party. Mickey and Minnie open the door for Donald and Daisy who are arriving.


Minnie: Donald!  Daisy!  Welcome, it's so good to see you.

Quick exchange of greetings, Donald speaks in quacking gibberish.

Mickey: Did you have any trouble getting here? Ha-ha!

Daisy:  Well this old goose [indicating to Donald] lost his keys and it took us a few minutes to find them

Minnie: Oh well, no harm done.  Mickey, why don't you pour u some drinks.

Mickey: No problem, ha-ha! [Mickey starts mixing some drinks]

Daisy: So how's Goofy, I haven't seen him in a while and doesn't he live around here?

Minnie: Oh yes he does, but he's so busy with work we barely get to see him.

Daisy:  What's he doing now?

Mickey:  Daisy, ha-ha, your is a gin and tonic, right? ha-ha.

Daisy: That's right, thanks Mickey

Mickey: No problem, ha-ha!

Pause

Daisy: Mickey, I've always wondered, why do you always say “Ha-Ha” all the time?

Silence as Mickey looks awkward and ashamed.

Mickey: It's just a nervous tick, what of it? Ha-ha!

Daisy: Well it's just kinda weird, it's pretty off-putting.

Silence as Mickey looks at Daisy with fury. Minnie and Donald back away from the table.

Mickey: Are you making fun of me, woman? Ha-ha!

Daisy: No no no! I've just wondered if you've tried getting therapy for it or something.

Mickey: Oh you think I haven't? Ha-ha! You think I like walking around sounding like I'm high off nitrous oxide? Do you think I wanted Walt's eulogy to sound like stand-up comedy?

Daisy: I'm sorry, Mickey, I just wanted to see if I could help?

Mickey: [stands up] Help me? Ha-ha me?! Daisy, you have no clue what I've been through Ha-ha! You think you could actually help me?

Daisy: Well you don't have to be so rude about it. At least you have a pretty peachy life right now. Every kid in the world loves you, whilst I'm constantly typecast as a spoilt bitch.

Mickey: Didn't you ever think there was a reason for that? Ha-ha!

Daisy: Ohhh, that's low, even for you mickey, and you're a mouse.

Minnie: Mickey please, I just wanted us to have a nice dinner with our friends.

Donald: *quacking gibberish aimed at calming down Daisy*

Mickey: At least I'm married to someone who speaks English! Ha-ha! I've known your husband for 80 years and I still have no idea what the hell he's saying! Ha-ha!

Daisy: How dare you speak to him like that? He's your BEST FRIEND!

Mickey: Oh yeah, my 'best friend' who couldn't even bother wearing pants to a dinner party! Ha-ha! Perhaps we're such good friends he thinks he can just walk around my house bare-arsed! Ha-Ha!

Daisy: Well you've never had a problem with it up until now? Why didn't you say something to him?

Mickey: Are you kidding? If I can't understand what he's saying, what makes you think he can understand what I'm saying? Ha-ha!

Daisy: Well I wouldn't be surprised, with that ridiculous twitch of yours and that voice that could put any soprano to shame. Didn't your balls ever drop Mickey? Or is Minnie still waiting for you to go through puberty? Explains why you still have no kids and we have three.

Mickey: How dare you?! Ha-ha! That explosion at the Helium factory nearly killed me! Ha-ha! For three years I couldn't speak without breaking windows! Ha-ha!

Daisy: Why did you stop? That would be more entertaining than that rubbish you call the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Mickey: You keep talking Daisy, and these white gloves will soon be red... Ha-ha!

Donald: *Angry quacking gibberish aimed at Mickey*

Mickey: Oh look he seems to have understood something, ha-ha! Maybe you aren't a total retard Donald. Ha-ha!

Donald punches Mickey in the face. Mickey and Donald start fighting. Daisy gets out a cellphone.

Minnie: Stop it! Stop it! [attempts to stop the fight] We are supposed to be friends!

Daisy: Police? Hello? My husband has just been assaulted by Mickey mouse! Please come right away!

Minnie: Wow, you really are full of shit Daisy. Donald clearly hit him first!

Fight continues in the background. Both are clearly inexperienced fighters

Daisy: Who cares? Your husband threatened to kill me! Donald was just protecting me!

Minnie: You really thought Mickey was a threat? Look at him, he has no idea what the fuck he's doing, he's a GODDAMN CHILDREN'S CELEBRITY.

Goofy dressed in a Police Uniform stumbles in. Sees the fight and shoots both Mickey and Donald.

Minne: MICKEY!

Daisy: DONALD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GOOFY!? YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SHOOT THEM!

Goofy: Huh. Whoops! [stands towards audience with goofy pose, whilst Minnie and Daisy cry over their dead husbands]

END