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Mafia Pizza

[Mafia Head and his Second-in-Command sitting across from Pizza Chef, who is dressed in typical pizza-chef uniform, apron, t-shirt saying PIZZA]

Mafia Head: So. You, uh … here for the 'job', huh?

Pizza Chef: Yes sir, Mr … ah…

Mafia Head: They call me the Don.

Pizza Chef: Yes Mr Don.

Don: And what, uh … experience would you say you have in this field?

Pizza Chef: Well, I started in the mincing business.  In my first year in the industry – I was sixteen, my father was a butcher – I was handling I think 40, 50kgs of meat a day.

Don: Interesting.  And was this, uh … ‘meat’ … was this for, shall we say … industrial clients, or more … personal?

Pizza Chef: A bit of both.

(Don and Second-in-Command exchange a look)

Pizza Chef: But then I went for a change in career direction.

Don: Is that so?

Pizza Chef: Yeah, I needed more creativity, so I left off butchery and went into the cooking industry.

(Don and Second-in-Command exchange another look)

Pizza Chef: I think my training with large knives really came in useful.  I was working with industrial ovens mostly, but I had a lot more ability to add my personal touch to my work.

Don: You a real artist, huh?

Pizza Chef: My dad always used to say, “if you’re going to do a job, do it well.”  He was a good man, my dad.

Don: I, uh … like a man who has respect for the family.

Pizza Chef: He was a good man.  After his death I had something of a personal crisis.  I quit my job.  Did some odd jobs to make ends meet.  Manual labour mostly – pouring concrete, hammering, sawing.

(Don and Second-in-Command exchange another look)

Pizza Chef: But it wasn’t really my thing.  Too tedious, and dirty.  Besides I prefer to be the engineer rather than merely the grunt.

Don: I like yo’ style.

Pizza Chef: So I quit that and went into making pizzas.

(Don and Second-in-Command exchange a different look)

Don: Pizzas?

Pizza Chef: Yep.

Don: And by ‘pizzas’, you mean …?

Pizza Chef: Pizzas.

Don: I, uh … think there’s been some sort of, uh … mistake.  Tony. (Indicates to Second-in-Command, who steps forward to escort Pizza Chef outside)

Pizza Chef: I was here for the job.

Don: There ain’t no job here.

Pizza Chef: I have the advertisement right here.  “Wanted: pizza chef for immediate start.  Must be discrete.  Must have full licence.  Generous wages.”

Don: Ohh, the pizza job.

(Don and Tony exchange a different look)

Pizza Chef: Yes.

Don: You can stay.  Naw, Tony and me, we thought … because of the, uh … well, the meat, and the, uh … concrete …

Pizza Chef:  Yes?

Don:  It don’t matter.  So.  You, uh … you any good at pizzas?

Pizza Chef: Very good, Mr Don.

Don: Discrete?

Pizza Chef: Yes.

Don: And full licence?

Pizza Chef: Both cars and heavy vehicles.

Don: Good.  Good.  You, uh … you may be called upon to kill a guy every so often.  But generous wages.

Pizza Chef: I see.

Don: I hope that won’t be a problem?

Pizza Chef: Not at all.  Like I said, that’s where I got my start.

Don: You’re hired.