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*Jellybeans REWRITE - The not sad version!

[BERTIE, on stage, licking everything in sight for a good twenty seconds. EMILY enters]

EMILY:  Hey... Bertie?

BERTIE: [still licking] Yep?

EMILY:  Uh... you ok?

BERTIE: Fine

Tense beat

EMILY:  The product meeting didn’t go so well, did it?

BERTIE: Nope.

Another beat

EMILY:  I’m sure it’s not a big problem-

BERTIE: Every flavour beans, they asked for. Every. Flavour. So I go to the meeting today and what do they tell me?

EMILY:  There... weren’t enough flavours?

BERTIE: There weren’t enough flavours! I told them, “I can only make what I know” and they told me that wasn’t good enough! Apparently, encapsulating the subtle joy of “wearing fuzzy socks” and harnessing the unnerving feeling of “déjà vu” isn’t enough for these people. No!

EMILY:  So... you’re licking the furniture?

BERTIE: I don’t have a chair flavour. Or a table flavour. I had a lounge flavour, but that was the jazz venue variety, not this kind.

EMILY:  Bertie, I think you’re going a little overboard.

BERTIE: EVERY. FLAVOUR. I don’t have a door flavour, I don’t have a laptop flavour, I don’t have an orange flavour.

EMILY:  How did you miss orange?

BERTIE: THE COLOUR, NOT THE FRUIT, EMILY. ...Emily. I don’t have an Emily flavour! Licks EMILY, pulls out pencil and scrawls notes I’LL NEED TO LICK EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

EMILY:  BERTIE, YOU NEED TO STOP

BERTIE: EVERY. FLAVOUR. EMILY.

EMILY leaves the stage, dumbfounded, while BERTIE keeps chanting “every flavour, every flavour” as the lights slowly fade
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