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Heterosexual Lesbian

Open to a park bench, Girlfriend is sitting on bench, Boyfriend walks in, looking stressed.

Over here, honey!

Boyfriend: Oh, hi babe.

They kiss and sit down holding hands.

Boyfriend: So what's this really important thing you had to tell me?

Girlfriend: Well, I thought about this for a while; it's a pretty big thing, but I'm very excited about it and I think it will make us both VERY happy.

Boyfriend: [relieved] Oh!  So it's good news!

Girlfriend: Of course, pumpkin!  And remember that I'm doing this just for you.

Boyfriend: Well, you're making me all excited now!  What's the big news?

Girlfriend: OK, well... I'm now a Lesbian!

Awkward silence.  Girlfriend anticipates some happy response.  Boyfriend looks puzzled.

Boyfriend: [surprised cough]... what?

Girlfriend: I'm a lesbian now honeybuns, and just for you!

Girlfriend tries to hug Boyfriend, Boyfriend leans away, lets go of her hands.

Boyfriend: I don't quite understand.  H-how can you be a lesbian?

Girlfriend: Well, I thought you'd like it, so I just... like, became one!

Boyfriend: Uh, sweetie, it doesn't quite work like that.

Girlfriend: Do I have to do a TAFE course or something?

Boyfriend: No, you don't just become a lesbian, you ARE one.

Girlfriend: Oh, good, so I don't have to do any bookwork.

Boyfriend: And how did you think this was a good idea for us?

Girlfriend: I looked at your search history.

Boyfriend: YOU LOOKED AT MY SEARCH HISTORY?!  Babe, a man's search history is his own private kingdom!

Girlfriend: I did it for you, sugardick!  And I saw lesbians everywhere!  I even called up your friends and they said "Yeah, your fuzzybutt loooooves lesbians!"

Boyfriend: You went behind my back!?

Girlfriend: Why are you so mad?  I did it all for you!  Other girls would get angry about it, but I embraced it!

Enter Lesbian.

Lesbian: Literally. [Puts arm over Girlfriend's shoulders]

Boyfriend: Oh, now you're cheating on me!

Girlfriend: I thought this would make you happy, snoogilybumpkins!

Boyfriend: I can't do this anymore, it's not going to work like this. [Turns to leave]

Lesbian: Oh well, at least you still have me.

Lesbian and Girlfriend start making out.  Boyfriend looks back and hesitates.

Boyfriend: Ah... I guess we could sort something out.

Boyfriend sits down on bench and watches.