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Hamlet without all the death

Emotional music plays.
Hamlet: (holding out skull) Alas poor Yorrick, I knew him well.

Yorrick: Sire?

H: Yorrik, my model skull has a crack in it. It is barely recognisable now.

Y: That’s a shame - I’m sure your father could fix it if he wasn’t so tragically taken from us.

H: Yes he’s always being called away for work abroad. 
Y: How goes your fine Ophelia?

H: Not well I’m afraid, she simply drowned.

Y: Drowned?

H: Was drowned by her work last week. If she’s not careful she’s going to go mad.

Y: She's being working too hard.

H: Indeed, I just met with Claudius and had a good stab… at negotiating a reduction in her work hours.

Y: That’s awfully considerate of you. I see that vacation with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern really improved your outlook. How are those two?

H: Dead.

Y: Dead?

H: Dead tired.

Enter Laertes

L: HAMLET I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU with a loving hug!

H: Laertes! (hugs) Where have you been all day?

L: I’ve just been off purchasing some poison for tonight’s feast… from the local bottle shop- you two like rum right?

Y: You kidding? It’s to die for!

H: Haha you guys, I'm so glad we are all together - can you imagine what it would be like if everyone had something be tragically killed for sometimes unrealistic reasons?

(The music that was playing earlier fades out)
L: What a silly idea!
Y: That would never happen!
H: You're right.
Y: Hamlet the music's stopped.
H: Oh dont worry - the rest is silence.