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Dress for Success

*lights up on a man, TROY, wearing a woman’s outfit; MAX enters in nice leather jacket*


MAX:        What are you doing?


TROY:      Just hanging' around and stuff.


MAX:        No, why are you dressed like that?


TROY:      Oh, you know that old phrase, "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have?"


MAX:        Yes...


TROY:      Well, I figured I'd dress for the girlfriend I want, not the girlfriend I have.




MAX:        That doesn't really fit here.  


TROY:      Are you saying my butt looks big in these jeans? *slowly spins around, trying to get a good view of his own butt.*


MAX:        No, I mean it doesn't work that way.


TROY:      You don't think the top goes with the jeans?


MAX:        No, I'm saying that phrase wasn't meant for this situation.


TROY:      Oh god, shut up, here comes Donna! Go hide somewhere! *Max doesn’t move.*


*TROY's girlfriend DONNA enters wearing a similar style, but different, clothing as TROY*


DONNA:   Troy! Is that you? 


TROY:      *nervously and shyly. He clearly really likes her* Oh hey Donna! How's it hanging and stuff?


DONNA:   I, uh, like the jeans. They really bring out your legs. 


TROY:      Thanks! I got them last week and it was practically --


DONNA:   A steal?


TROY:      Oh my god, you took the words right out of my mouth!


DONNA:   Like how you took those jeans right off my clothes line!


TROY:      Okay, yeah, about that - 


DONNA:   I've been looking all over my place for that top and those jeans! *gathers herself* Just.. tell me why you stole my clothes. *she's clearly hurt, because Donna also sort of likes Troy*


MAX:        He thinks he should dress for the girlfriend he wants.


TROY:      Like that saying, dress for the job you want.


DONNA:   Wait, so you’re dressing up in my clothes because you want me to be your girlfriend? *beat* You want me to be your girlfriend!


MAX:        What. *deadpan*


TROY:      Not only that, I want to take you to the shops you bought them from. So I can always dress like you, because you’re the one I’ll always want! *soapy, melodramatically romantic voice*


DONNA:   Then I can do the same for you! *grabs both Troy’s hands*


TROY:      Way ahead of you. I have such plans for you: baggy jeans, jerseys, everything that just says, TROY!  


DONNA:    But then, if you continue dressing the way I do now and I continue dressing the way you do now, then we’ll get to the point where we’ll stop dressing like each other, because we’ve changed the way we’ve dressed! And then we won't be dressing for the person we want, which is each other!



*both Donna and Troy look down and the ground wistfully in contemplation*






Another version

*Mark is on stage in comfortable women’s clothing. Enter Mike in white collar shirt*

MIKE:                    Hey Mark... that’s not your usual business attire.

MARK:                  Nope, I’m trying something different today, Mike.

MIKE:                    You know it’s not Casual Friday, right?

MARK:                  Yup.

MIKE:                    So what’s going on then?

MARK:                  Well, I figured I’d have a go with that phrase, “Dress for the girlfriend you want, not the girlfriend you have.

MIKE:                    Mark, that’s... that’s not how that phrase goes. It’s, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.”

MARK:                  No it’s not.

MIKE:                    Yes it is.

MARK:                  Oh... really?

MIKE:                    Yep.

MARK:                  Uh-oh.

MIKE:                    Yeah. You should probably change before the Boss –

*enter Mark and Mike’s boss in business suit*

BOSS:                    Mark? What are you wearing? You know it’s not Casual Friday, right?

MARK:                  Oh, well, no, I know.

BOSS:                    Then what’s going on here?

MIKE & MARK:  Oh, well, um... you see—

BOSS:                    Oh, I see what’s going on here. You’re dressing for the job you want, not the job you have.

MARK:                  Yeah! Yeah, that’s exactly right.

BOSS:                    So you want a promotion?

MARK:                  Well... Davidson just retired, and he was a Sales Manager, and he had to meet with important clients all the time. I think we should meet them with a professional yet casual manner.        This is what I would wear to show them they could be comfortable with our company.

BOSS:                    (considering) Well... that makes a lot of sense, MARK. We had come to a conclusion on who would replace Davidson, but after this show of initiative, your great performance review, and such a cute outfit, I figure you’re in line for a promotion.

MARK:                  Yes! 

*MARK high fives MIKE as BOSS goes back to a white board, flips it over to reveal the words “Congratulations Mike” and replaces Mike with Mark. MIKE and MARK don’t notice. Exit BOSS*

MIKE:                    (S)he promoted you!

MARK:                  (S)he liked my outfit!

MIKE:                    Alright, alright, but you should still probably take that off now. Your girlfriend could come out of her office at any mome—

*Enter Mindy in business attire*

MINDY:                  MARK! Are you dressing for the girlfriend you want, not the girlfriend you have? How could you?

MARK:                   I told you it was a thing.

MIKE:                    Run?

MARK:                   Run.

*MIKE and MARK begin to run as lights go down*