(Brad runs onto the stage and trips. Dracula enters, cape around mouth.) D: Cower, mortal, for I am Dracula, king of the vampires! (Dracula lunges at Brad and bites his neck.)
Brad: No! Mercy! Help! Aaaah! Aaa... ahhhh. Ooh. That's ... kinda nice... Wait. (Pushes Dracula
away. Dracula pulls cape above his mouth.)
Brad: What are you doing? Weren't you going to bite me?
(Brad tests his neck and finds no wound.) D: Yes! B: It felt like you were giving me a hickey. D: Shut up! My biting teeth are at the dentists. B: What? D: What? Good dental hygiene is important. (Brad pulls Dracula's cape away. Dracula hisses, revealing a complete lack of vampire fangs.) B: You have no fangs. D: I'm over one thousand years old! B: You have no fangs. D: I told you, they're at the dentists. B: You have dentures? D: No! I ... They're not dentures, they're premium-quality porcelain incisor caps. B: Vampires shouldn't need dentures. D: Shut up! I'm Dracula, king of the vampires! I am over one thousand years old! If I choose to have a little work done then that's my business. I like to make an impression when I ... make an impression. Is that so wrong? B: But how can you make an impression when you don't have any fangs with which to draw blood?
Dracula: Maybe I have knife. Brad: Do you have a knife? Dracula: No. Brad: Right. D: Look, I'll admit, I didn't entirely think this through. I don't usually have to worry about this kind of thing. B: Well, maybe there's something else you can use. Do you have a fork? D: No. B: A pen? D: No. B: A letter opener? D: No. B: Any kind of sharp, pointy thing?
Dracula: I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but let's call this a write-off.
Brad: Well, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to do this, but you could always -- *Brad pulls dentures out of his own mouth and offers them to Dracula. After a moment, Dracula shrugs and takes them, putting them into his mouth. Light down*
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