2012‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Doctors

10 or so people sitting around on various tables, scene is basically a crowded restaurant. A couple, Tim and Alice, in the foreground eating dinner.

 

Tim: *insert conversation - I don’t know what normal people say in normal social situations, but this should be an example of that, or some gag/reference, anyway, he just needs to say something for a bit to set the scene*, so anyway *chokes*


Alice: Tim? Tim are you okay. TIM! IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?


D: I am!


Alice: Thank G-d!


D: yeah, I get that a lot.*walking over to Tim*


Alice: Is he alright?


D: Personally, I don’t think any of us can be ALL right. Furthermore, What is right is defined as much by our intention as it's outward manifestation, and from my own perspective I -

Alice: what are you on about?


D: I'm trying to answer your question, it's a complex one and  I won't get any kind of profound analysis out if you keep interrupting me. Now, on to how we understand what it is to be right

Alice: WHAT? Are you even a doctor?


D: of course I am PhD in continental philosophy at Cambridge, top of my class thankyou very much


A: that's all very well and good, but I don't think my boyfriend can breathe! It's hardly the time to ruminate on the human condition.


D: I suppose I could start CPR then *starts doing something that looks like CPR*


A: thankyou! That was such a waste of time!


D:Airway clear, beginning rescue breaths


 A: you could have just said you knew CPR!


D: *pauses just before breathing* Well, I wouldn’t go as far as to say I 'know' it. There's an awful lot to the word 'know'


A: WHAT?! Do you know CPR or not!


D: well, I've done a first aid course, so in a strictly pragmatic sense, I suppose I do, but according to Rene Descartes, we cannot truly-


A: *pushes him aside* Are there any REAL doctors here?


Everyone from D's table begin to stand up


A: NOT PHILOSOPHERS, someone who actually knows...something


One woman, S gets up


S: I'm a doctor of Physics from MIT.


A: I don't need a physicists I need someone who actually knows what's happening here!


S: but I do! Physics knows everything. I have an equation that models the entire universe, it can solve literally ANY problem!


A: whatever, you'll have to do, what can we do to help tim? *points at him, now convulsing*


S: Hmmmm, well the maths gets pretty tricky with anything bigger than a hydrogen atom...If you get me a computer and I make some good estimates, I can run some models, should be able 

to tell us what to do within... a few months


A: How is that going to help?! We don’t have a few months


S: but we need to be rigourous!


A: how does nobody get that this is an emergency?! Does anyone here actually have a medical degree?


Woman, P  who has just entered answers

P: yes, Harvard medicine.


A: finally, a real doctor! We're running out of time!


P: what's the problem?


Alice: My boyfriend is dying!


*Tim stops moving altogether*


P:  *ignores time and looks straight at alice* I'm sorry to hear that. *Pulls out pen and pad, scribbles something* And how does that make you feel?

Comments