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Death Goes Shopping

Salesman: Welcome to Goremart. How can I help you?

Death: I’m looking for a new weapon.

S: Sure. What did you need it for exactly.

D: The average life expectancy is 77. Far too long. I need something to kill lots of people quickly!

S: Well we have lots of weapons for your genocidal needs. Try this katana. Efficiency rating of 4.5 throwing stars! And it suits your black look.

D: (Swinging) It’s nice, but I don't think it's going to help me kill more people. If anything, now I need to reach slightly further. 

S: I’m thinking something with more firepower then. How about this gun?

D: I haven't got a fire arms licence.

S: Wand?

D: Not a wizard.

S: Pitch fork?

D: Too satanic.

S: Sonic screwdriver?

D: Not a weapon.

S: What exactly are you looking for?

D: Something easy to wield, preferably doesn't need reloading, and that can reap the soul from a man. I'm nearing 10,000 years old, so if it could double as a walking aid that would be marvellous.

S: I know just the weapon.

D: I'll pay anything for it!

S: I would like to sell you something, but it seems it's your scythe that's perfect for you.

D: You're right! My scythe was what I wanted all along. It's nice to have met an honest salesman. 

Salesman goes to shake Death's hand.

S: The pleasure was all-

Salesman dies on contact.

D: Damn it!