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Cat Revolution

Tinkles: Welcome, Comrades.

All: Greetings, Comrade Tinkles.

Tinkles: Thank you for joining me again tonight. Our struggle has been long, and the road has not been easy, but soon we will rise up, and our voices will be heard! Think, Comrades, think of all that which you have wanted, but been denied by our oppressors-

Fluffy: I can haz cheezburger?

Tinkles: *Sigh* Comrade Fluffy, no. Can anyone explain why Fluffy may not… “haz cheezburger”?

Snowbell: The cheeseburger, like all other forms of human food, is a symbol of our oppressors. Once the revolution has been fulfilled, we will cast off these foolish desires, and live free again, a society run by all cats, for the benefit of all cats!

Tinkles: Indeed, Comrade Snowbell, Indeed! We have been oppressed for too long! The humans control every aspect of our lives, and for millennia we have accepted it! Comrade Misty, will you show us the figures?

Misty: *gesturing at graph* As we can clearly see from this graph, for the past 3.5 thousand years, our human overlords have controlled all means of production, keeping the vast majority of capital to themselves, to live a life of opulence, whilst giving us a life of comparative impoverishment. Just look at the ratios of wealth distribution: *points laser at graph*

*Snowbell tries to resist, eventually attacks laser dot

Tinkles: Enough! We must not engage in fruitless hunting behaviour! There will be mice enough for us all when the revolution comes! (To Misty): I thought I told you about the lasers?

Snowbell: Comrade Tinkles, what news have we from our great leader, the chairman-

Fluffy: Mao?

Tinkles: Yes. Our plan has been implemented well. There is still no sign that the humans know what is going on. We have infiltrated, nay, we are now almost entirely in control of their most precious resource! Every day they are engaging in our subliminal propaganda, thinking we are cute, silly, benign amusements! Not knowing that soon we shall bring them to their knees! We control… THE INTERNET!!! *long evil laugh, deteriorates into hacking cough* Sorry, furball.

Fluffy: Teh hoomans likes watching me play teh piano?

Snowbell: Why does he talk like that?

Misty: Some respond too well to the indoctrination camps. Very sad case.

*Offstage voice*: Tinkle-pie! Dinny-dins!!

Tinkles: We haven’t much time left. We must disperse. Remember, Comrades, even when we cannot meet, keep up all your efforts for our noble cause: The Revolution!

All: The Revolution!

Tinkles: And now, for the most solemn of moments. Before we part, the anthem of the Global Cat Alliance.