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Breakup [EDITED]

Eliza enters stage left, followed by Alex from stage right under what is obviously big white sheet doing ghostly things (waving arms, mostly).


ELIZA: Hi sweetie, how was your day?


ALEX:  Horrible. I died! Now I’m a ghastly spectre for all eternity.  Oooooooohhhh the pain, ooooooohhhh the sorrow!


ELIZA: Alex, you're not a ghost, you're just wearing a sheet.


ALEX: (monologue-ing) Oh, cruel is the life of a ghost! First I die, which isn’t as immaterial as Casper would have you believe, and now, my girlfriend is leaving me.


ELIZA: What?




ALEX: (dramatic lament) And now, my girlfriend is leaving me!


ELIZA: I'm not - 


ALEX: On account of me being a ghost.


ELIZA: Are you trying to break up with me?


ALEX: No! Are you trying to break up with me?




ALEX: Because that would be okay.


ELIZA: You are!


ALEX: (monologue-ing) Oh, woe is me! Not even my true love could look past my ghostly chill and see the woman beneath.


ELIZA: But I still love you! (Desperately, as if it's her last hope) And I still love…making love to you.


ALEX: Wait, what? You want to have sex with a ghost? That’s gross!


ELIZA: I don’t care what you are. I love you!


ALEX: But…umm…I have no physical body!


ELIZA: Yes you do, I’ve been able to see your ankles this entire conversation.


ALEX: Well, umm, the thing about that is…


ALEX throws the obvious sheet over Eliza

ALEX: I'm fucking your sister! (goes to run offstage and smashes into the wings)