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Breakup [EDITED]

Eliza enters stage left, followed by Alex from stage right under what is obviously big white sheet doing ghostly things (waving arms, mostly).

 

ELIZA: Hi sweetie, how was your day?

 

ALEX:  Horrible. I died! Now I’m a ghastly spectre for all eternity.  Oooooooohhhh the pain, ooooooohhhh the sorrow!

 

ELIZA: Alex, you're not a ghost, you're just wearing a sheet.

 

ALEX: (monologue-ing) Oh, cruel is the life of a ghost! First I die, which isn’t as immaterial as Casper would have you believe, and now, my girlfriend is leaving me.

 

ELIZA: What?

 

(beat)

 

ALEX: (dramatic lament) And now, my girlfriend is leaving me!

 

ELIZA: I'm not - 

 

ALEX: On account of me being a ghost.

 

ELIZA: Are you trying to break up with me?

 

ALEX: No! Are you trying to break up with me?

 

ELIZA: No.

 

ALEX: Because that would be okay.

 

ELIZA: You are!

 

ALEX: (monologue-ing) Oh, woe is me! Not even my true love could look past my ghostly chill and see the woman beneath.

 

ELIZA: But I still love you! (Desperately, as if it's her last hope) And I still love…making love to you.

 

ALEX: Wait, what? You want to have sex with a ghost? That’s gross!

 

ELIZA: I don’t care what you are. I love you!

 

ALEX: But…umm…I have no physical body!

 

ELIZA: Yes you do, I’ve been able to see your ankles this entire conversation.

 

ALEX: Well, umm, the thing about that is…

 

ALEX throws the obvious sheet over Eliza


ALEX: I'm fucking your sister! (goes to run offstage and smashes into the wings)

 

LIGHTS DOWN.

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