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Batman Psychoanalysis

Lights up to a psychologists office. Stereotypical couch etc. BRUCE and PSYCH are already on stage.

Psych: Okay now I felt like last week we were making some real progress. Can you recount for me what we went thorugh?

Bruce: Yeah okay, well we talked about all the agression I had pent up inside me.

Psych: And about letting that agression out.

Bruce: Yeah that too. I feel like I'm getting the hang of it.

Psych: That's wonderful! You are advancing through the process much faster than I anticipated. What outlet have you found?

Bruce: You promise not to tell anyone?

Psych: Of course, I'm sworn to confidentiality


Bruce: I beat people to a pulp.

Psych: You're joking, right?
Bruce: No. I find criminals and I beat them up before leaving them for the police to find.
Psych: I see. I feel like this is not a constructive outlet. Have you even considered the consequences of such a course of action?
 Bruce: Of course I have - I'm creating a better city!
Psych: Ok, so you're trying to impose authority.  Do you feeI this might stem from something in your childhood? Perhaps your father-

Bruce (in the batman voice): You leave my parents out of this!

Psych: Bruce Wayne you will calm down this instant!

Bruce: Sorry! Sorry. I overreacted


Psych: That's fine, but what was that voice?

Bruce: That was my crime-fighting voice, murder on the throat

Psych: You have a different voice?

Bruce: I have a whole persona... "The Bat"

Pysch: Hmm (makes a note his clipboard)

Bruce: What did you just write! Are you going to reveal my identity? Sorry, sorry.

Psych: No! Not at all! I just want to talk you about 'the bat'. Is he a bad man?

Bruce: What do you mean "him"? He's me; the protector we need. A watchful protector, a Dark Knight. Sorry, it just happens

Psych: I see... Does he hurt people? This alternate personality

Bruce:  Not personality! "Persona", and only when I have to, I never kill; it's my code! You have no idea the horrors I keep in check. Two-face, Bane, Scarecrow, and the Joker. Oh how I hate that guy with his endless mind games and his "why so serious?" bullshit!

Psych: Are... are you these people too Mr. Wayne?

Bruce: What? No! Of course not! I dress up in my costume and they in theirs and we do endless battle above these wretched streets and we fight for the soul of this city.


Bruce: Well when I put it like that it does sound pretty crazy

Psych: I'm going to recommend a nice place to stay for a while. It's called Arkham Asylum-

Bruce: Lock me up? Oh god! You are one of them aren't you? Who do you work for? Has Ivy got you in the green? The penguin got you in his pocket? [backing away scared] Who do you work for?

Psych (evil and fake): Help! Please someone!

Labcoated orderlies rush in to detain Bruce

Psych: I'm sorry Bruce but you have a problem.

Bruce: I'm not mad! It's him! He's trying... [tries to fight the orderlies but psych gets him with a needle from behind]  He's trying... trying to...[goes limp]

Psych: [as Bruce is dragged off stage] Oh and Mr. Wayne?

Bruce: [Half mumbled slur]

The Psychologist reveals himself to be the Joker

Joker: Why so serious?

Lights Out.