PATIENT waits as DOCTOR walks
onstage. P: Hello doctor. D: Hello – how are you? P: I was hoping you could tell me. D: Good one, nothing better than the power of laughter I always say. P: I do my best to stay positive. D: If only your blood count was as high as your spirits. P: What's wrong with my blood? D: Your blood test results came back as positive as your attitude. If your immune system were a country it'd be France in World War 2. P: Oh god! Is it serious? D: You could say deadly serious. P: This is how you break it to me? How could you be so cold? D: I happen to be quite comfortable at my body's core temperature – although I suppose I will seem cold compared to you soon enough. P: (starts sobbing) D: Cheer up! I only said those things so it would lesson the blow from what's really wrong with you. P: I'm not going to die? D: Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. P: Why are you tormenting me? D: Oh, get a sense of humour. P: Now listen here! A different Doctor comes on stage. D2: (notices D) Dr Clark! Get out of my office! D: Ah! (D runs off) P: Dr Jenkins! D2: I am terribly sorry Mr Malade. That was Dr Clark, he likes playing practical jokes. P: You mean he wasn't... D2: Definitely not. In fact I'm going to sue him for malpractice. He tells all my patients they're going to die. P: So.. I'm not going to die? D2: Not today (laughs). (Looks at his charts) Tomorrow apparently. Lights down.
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