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Baby (DOG) Trouble

Dog is barking relentlessly.

Wife: Please, just be quiet. I haven't slept in 3 days.

Wife picks up rolled-up newspaper and walks over to Dog, holding newspaper reading to hit the dog. Husband walks in.

Husband: I wouldn't do that. Imagine how easily it could backfire. He'll start collecting the newspaper and won't give it to us. "Oh, you want to read the paper? Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of you rolling it up and hitting me with it." You're playing into his mind games.

Wife pulls out a gun.

Husband: Honey, if the neighbours aren't awake already, that'll do it. And I can't promise that I won't shoot them this time.

Wife: What if we put him up for adoption?

Husband: Nope. Phenomenal sense of tracking. Dogs know exactly where they live. On account of being psychic.

Wife: We could move?

Husband: He'll sniff us out. Phenomenal sense of smell. Also, he'll know exactly where we live, on account of being

In unison: Psychic

Wife: Right, right. And he could bring some animal rights activists with him.

Husband: And I can't promise that I won't shoot them this time.

Wife: He's got us cornered.

Husband: Manipulative little bitch.

Wife: We could use a lead to establish authority?

Husband: A lead? That's a bit barbaric isn't it?

Wife: You're right. We could always just chop off his dick.

Dog stops barking.

Wife (scratching Husband behind the ear): Worked on you.