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Presidential speeches

Famous presidential speeches make a statement - say, "I am not a crook" or "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." 

I would like a sketch where a president delivers that speech, but escalates past that initial statement to the point of absurdity. A speech that goes from "I am not a crook" to "I did not inappropriately record the press. I did not record the press at all. I did not follow those journalists to their hotel, and I did not place recorders in their lampshades. I did not wait outside their hotel... [escalation escalation escalation] I did not follow the press as they left, watched them eat dinner with their families and, while they went to the bathroom before dessert, kidnap their loved ones. I did not take their loved ones to the sewers and threaten to kill them."

Or, alternatively, "I did not have sex with that woman." It could expand upon, say, all the other things Clinton (in the world of this sketch) did with that woman instead. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman. I did not have sexual relations with that woman's sister. I did not play Monopoly with that woman. I may have played Chess against her, but I did not win." 

This would need to escalate till the edge of bat-shit-insane absurd. But I think it would be very funny.

For those interested this sketch arose from a single note in Toby's sketchwriting notes labelled "Presidential Blowjob".

Also, if we did Clinton's speech, and did it as a video sketch, I would love for it to slowly pan out over the course of the sketch until you could quite clearly see someone kneeling under the desk.